There are moments in life when you stumble upon something so bizarre, so utterly unfathomable, that you start to wonder if reality itself has taken a coffee break. One of these moments often occurs when you dive into the abyss of job adverts. Yes, those pages that are supposed to entice you with the promise of gainful employment but instead leave you questioning whether you’ve accidentally wandered into a parallel universe where sanity is optional and job titles are randomly generated by a particularly mischievous AI.
Because, believe it or not, some job adverts read less like a professional opportunity and more like the latest pitch for a Netflix Original series. Here’s a look at some of the strangest, most mind-boggling job adverts to ever grace the digital landscape.
The "Time-Traveling Project Manager"
Picture this: an advert that boldly asks for a "Time-Travelling Project Manager."No, it’s not a clever metaphor for someone who can handle multiple deadlines. This company genuinely seemed to be on the lookout for someone who could navigate the space-time continuum with the same ease most of us navigate our morning commute.
Essential skills included “an excellent understanding of temporal physics,” “experience in managing the butterfly effect,” and the ability to “prevent paradoxical situations.” Unfortunately, there was no mention of whether a DeLorean was provided, but you’ve got to admire their commitment to thinking outside the box. Or, you know, outside of time itself.
The "Zombie Apocalypse Survival Consultant"
Here’s one for the survivalists among us: a company looking for a "Zombie Apocalypse Survival Consultant."Before you dismiss this as a joke, consider the possibility that this might just be the most forward-thinking employer of our time. After all, you never know when the zombie apocalypse might strike, right?
Listed duties included developing “comprehensive zombie containment strategies,” providing “weekly survival workshops,” and ensuring “all staff are fully prepared for when the undead rise.” It also specified a preference for candidates with “strong experience in hand-to-hand combat” and “a working knowledge of crossbows.” No word on the benefits package, but one imagines it must include hazard pay.
The "Dream Weaver"
Then there was the curious case of the "Dream Weaver"– a role that, at first glance, seemed to have been plucked directly from the pages of a fantasy novel. This company sought someone who could “craft enchanting experiences and delve into the realm of subconscious imagination.”
Key responsibilities included “navigating the dreamscape,” “interpreting the symbolism of customer visions,” and “collaborating with the Sandman to ensure nightly dream delivery.” Candidates were encouraged to have a “proven track record in lucidity” and be “proficient in REM navigation.” It’s unclear whether this position required a physical office presence or merely an astral one, but one thing’s for sure: this is a job for those who were born with their heads in the clouds.
The "Galactic Travel Agent"
And for those adventurous souls with a penchant for the cosmos, there’s the "Galactic Travel Agent"position. This advert promised to take customer service to interstellar heights, seeking an individual capable of planning “luxury getaways beyond the stars.”
Responsibilities involved “booking vacations on Mars,” “organizing Saturn ring cruises,” and providing “tailored space tour packages.” Applicants were expected to have “extensive knowledge of interplanetary customs” and “a flair for celestial travel arrangements.” While the commute might be a bit of a drag, the chance to work in a field that’s truly out of this world might just make it worth your while.
The "Professional Mermaid"
Finally, a role that dives deep into the imagination, quite literally – a "Professional Mermaid."Yes, you read that correctly. This company wanted someone to embody the mythical allure of the sea, performing at themed events and leaving audiences spellbound.
Requirements included “exceptional swimming skills,” “the ability to remain in character underwater for extended periods,” and “a passion for marine life.” With duties like “frolicking in fountains” and “delighting children with tales from the deep,” this gig was perfect for those who’ve always felt they were born to be part of Ariel’s world.
Is It Time to Recruit a Unicorn?
While these job adverts might sound more like fantastical plots from next season’s Netflix lineup, they highlight a crucial point: creativity has its place, but clarity is king. If you’re looking to recruit real people for real roles – even if they do involve a touch of whimsy – we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we ensure your job ads are engaging, enticing, and, most importantly, understandable. We promise you won’t need a time machine or a pair of flippers to find the right candidate. Get in touch today, and let’s create adverts that attract the right kind of attention – no matter how far out of this world your ideal candidate might be.
