Ah, the art of the work excuse. That noble tradition of explaining why you're not at your desk, valiantly battling your inbox, or fighting through the swamp of corporate jargon in yet another meeting.
In a world where alarm clocks are both your best friend and mortal enemy, it’s no wonder that sometimes, the excuses for missing work are as creative as the people who come up with them.
And while many a worker has gone for the classic “sick day”, there are those who dare to dream bigger, concocting tales so wild they make your average soap opera plot look like the weather forecast.
So, in honour of those intrepid souls who have taken work excuses to new heights (or depths), here are some of the funniest reasons for absence that somehow managed to get the golden seal of approval from HR.
1. The ‘Cosmic’ Interference
Once upon a time, an employee called in to say they couldn’t come to work because their horoscope warned them of a day full of danger and misfortune.
Apparently, Mercury was in retrograde, and the stars advised against leaving the house.
HR, presumably knowing better than to argue with the cosmos, accepted it. After all, who wants to be responsible for tempting fate?
2. The Pet Predicament
One ambitious employee claimed they couldn’t make it to work because their pet parrot was having an existential crisis.
Apparently, Polly had spent the entire morning squawking about the meaninglessness of cracker consumption and the futility of repeating phrases on command.
HR, perhaps amused by the avian philosopher, let it slide.
Because, let’s face it, we all want to be that parrot sometimes.
3. The ‘Lost’ Car
This one requires a bit of imagination.
An employee once called in saying they couldn’t find their car.
Not that it had been stolen - oh no. It had simply disappeared, as if spirited away by some vehicular Bermuda Triangle.
After a thorough search (and several perplexed HR personnel), the car was eventually found in the garage - right where it had been all along.
4. The Overactive Imagination
A particularly inventive employee once reported that they couldn’t come to work because they were stuck in a reality TV show.
Apparently, a camera crew had appeared at their front door, insisting they were the next big star.
HR, perhaps appreciating the sheer creativity of it, decided to approve the day off.
After all, who wouldn’t want to support the rise of the next Kardashian?
5. The Unforeseen Weather Phenomenon
In an unexpected turn of events, one employee claimed they couldn’t make it to work due to an unusually aggressive bout of snowflakes.
Not snow. Just snowflakes.
Apparently, they were intent on forming a hostile takeover of the driveway, preventing any chance of escape.
HR, possibly too baffled to argue, let it pass.
Because sometimes, you’ve just got to respect the ferocity of nature.
6. The Time Traveller’s Dilemma
One employee claimed they couldn’t make it to work because they accidentally travelled back in time and were stuck in the 1990s.
Apparently, they required a day off to navigate dial-up internet and find a working VHS player to send word of their predicament.
HR, probably amused by the nostalgic trip down memory lane, approved the day away from the office.
7. The Accidental Art Heist
An employee once reported that they couldn’t make it to work because they’d inadvertently become involved in an art heist.
Apparently, a mistaken identity had led to an invitation to a high-stakes gallery robbery, and they needed a day to clear things up with the authorities.
HR, perhaps noting the potential for an interesting Netflix series, let it go.
8. The Unexpected Twin Discovery
One worker claimed they couldn’t make it to work because they’d woken up to find they had an identical twin.
Apparently, the twin insisted on a day of bonding and catching up on lost years, and who were they to refuse?
HR, perhaps impressed with the biological anomaly, approved the absence.
9. The Great Shoe Mix-Up
An employee once called in saying they couldn’t make it to work because they had accidentally swapped shoes with a guest at a party the night before.
Apparently, they now possessed only one stiletto and one hiking boot, neither of which would make a suitable office ensemble.
HR, perhaps empathising with the fashion faux pas, gave them the day to sort out their footwear crisis.
10. The Overzealous Squirrel
Finally, there was the employee who couldn’t make it to work because an overly enthusiastic squirrel had managed to trap them inside their own home.
Apparently, it had barricaded the front door with nuts and was aggressively defending its territory.
HR, perhaps recognising the determination of the squirrel, decided to approve the day off.
Need to Recruit Employees with Creative Problem-Solving Skills?
If you’re intrigued by the creative minds behind these excuses, we can help you find employees who think outside the box without trapping themselves inside it.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding candidates who bring unique skills and perspectives to your team.
So, if you need to recruit people who can probably take on any challenge (including overzealous squirrels), get in touch.
We promise we won’t accept just any excuse to slack off.
