There are certain universal truths in life. The sun will rise in the east, taxes will always be due, and at some point, everyone will be late for work.
Blame it on the traffic, the weather, or your alarm clock, but the reality is that few of us get through life without inventing at least one ludicrous excuse for turning up late.
What’s even more impressive, however, is when these outlandish excuses actually work.
Yes, sometimes the stars align, and you find yourself standing in front of your boss, spinning a yarn so implausible it could have been written by a Hollywood scriptwriter, and somehow, by some miracle, they believe you.
So, in honour of those who have boldly gone where no excuse has gone before, here are some of the funniest workplace excuses for turning up late that somehow worked.
1. The Animal Antics
Ah, the classic “pet emergency.” It’s a go-to for many, but some have taken it to spectacular new heights.
One employee claimed they were late because:
"My cat locked me in the bathroom."
Now, most bosses would raise an eyebrow at that. But apparently, this one nodded sympathetically, muttering something about cats being agents of chaos.
Another memorable pet-related excuse involved a guinea pig, a rogue lettuce leaf, and a homemade obstacle course. The details remain vague, but it worked like a charm.
2. The Unexpected Celebrity Encounter
Sometimes, the universe throws you a bone and provides an opportunity you can’t pass up.
One employee swore they were late because:
"I met David Beckham at the train station and couldn’t just walk away."
And let’s be honest, if you’ve just shaken hands with a football legend, you’re going to be dining out on that story for a while.
Remarkably, the boss not only believed it but was so impressed they asked for an autograph. Unfortunately, it was on a napkin that mysteriously “disintegrated in the rain.”
3. The Overly Honest Overshare
Sometimes, honesty really is the best policy - even if it’s a little too honest.
One brave soul confessed they were late because:
"I had a dream my bed was a giant cinnamon roll, and I couldn’t bring myself to wake up."
In a shocking twist, the boss laughed and admitted they’d had a similar dream about a giant marshmallow. No disciplinary action followed. Just an awkward silence and a new understanding.
4. The Conspiracy Theorist’s Delight
In a world where conspiracy theories abound, one employee took full advantage of this cultural phenomenon.
They claimed:
"I got caught in a wormhole caused by the Large Hadron Collider."
While most would scoff, their boss was a secret physics enthusiast who nodded knowingly, muttering something about “the risks of particle acceleration.”
5. The Transport Travesty
Everyone’s blamed traffic at some point, but some transport-related excuses reach levels of creativity that deserve a standing ovation.
One employee said:
"A pigeon stole my bike helmet."
Instead of being written off as nonsense, it sparked a lengthy debate about the intelligence of urban wildlife and the potential rise of a pigeon-led revolution.
6. The Great Tech Fail
In our digital age, technology is a staple excuse for tardiness. But when one employee declared:
"My smartwatch told me it was Sunday."
…it was met with a mix of disbelief and tech paranoia.
Possibly because the boss still struggled with their own mobile phone, they nodded, perhaps questioning their own grasp of time and reality.
7. The Emotional Rollercoaster
Emotions can be hard to navigate, especially when they involve inanimate objects.
One person explained their late arrival with:
"I couldn’t leave until I found out if Ross and Rachel got back together."
The boss, a fan of the same classic sitcom, immediately empathised, sharing their own frustration over being invested in fictional characters’ lives.
8. The Call of Nature
Nature is a force to be reckoned with, and sometimes, it gets priority over work schedules.
One inventive employee claimed they were late because:
"I was trapped in my garden by an angry squirrel."
Instead of being reprimanded, they received advice on how to handle territorial rodents. And perhaps a reminder to buy more birdseed.
Need to Recruit People Who Are Both Creative and Punctual?
While these excuses are the stuff of legend, most businesses prefer employees who arrive on time without needing to concoct elaborate stories.
If you’re looking to hire reliable, punctual professionals who don’t need to survive imaginary wormholes or negotiate with squirrels, Coburg Banks can help.
Get in touch, and we’ll find you candidates who are both creative and perfectly capable of setting a working alarm clock. We promise.
