In the ever-evolving world of employment, where buzzwords and jargon proliferate like rabbits on a particularly energetic diet, the humble job title has undergone a transformation that can only be described as… bizarre.
Once upon a time, job titles were straightforward. You had your managers, your assistants, your clerks. You knew what you were getting with a title. But these days, it seems like employers are pulling words out of a hat and hoping for the best.
The "Innovation"Avalanche
First up, we have the avalanche of innovation-based titles that make you wonder if the job involves wearing a lab coat and waving a magic wand.
Take, for example, the “Innovation Sherpa.” Now, unless your office is located on the slopes of Mount Everest and involves guiding trekkers through the treacherous terrain of PowerPoint presentations, this title raises more questions than it answers.
Or the “Digital Overlord.” Are you the supreme ruler of the cloud? Do you wield control over all things binary? Or are you just very, very enthusiastic about Excel?
The Mystical Beings
Then we have the mystical job titles, which conjure up images of fantastical realms rather than office cubicles.
Consider the “Wizard of Lightbulb Moments.” Is this person a creative genius or just very good at changing light bulbs? And do they wear a pointy hat to meetings?
Or the “Guru of Green.” Are they an environmental savant, whispering to the trees, or someone who knows how to navigate an Excel spreadsheet filled with financial projections like an enlightened monk?
The Animal Kingdom
Next, let’s dive into the wild world of animal-inspired titles.
There’s the “Chief Happiness Officer.” Now, I’m all for spreading joy, but unless this person is distributing puppies and chocolate on a daily basis, I’m sceptical.
And who could forget the “Data Wrangler”? Is this a cowboy who lassos rogue data points and brings them back to the herd? Do they ride in on a virtual horse to save the day?
The Obscure and Ambiguous
Then there’s the obscure and frankly ambiguous titles that make you wonder if they were created during a game of corporate Mad Libs.
Take the “Ambassador of Buzz.” Are they networking on behalf of bees? Or are they just really good at generating excitement (and possibly caffeine levels) in the office?
Or the “Chief Evangelist.” Is this someone leading a corporate cult? Do they deliver sermons on synergy and the gospel of teamwork every Monday morning?
The Geographical Wonders
Finally, we have the geographically inspired titles that make you question if you need a plane ticket to perform your duties.
The “Global Head of Sunshine” certainly sounds like a job that involves a lot of travel, perhaps chasing the sun around the world and making sure it’s shining brightly on the company’s metaphorical horizon.
And the “Director of First Impressions,” which could be a fancy title for a receptionist, or perhaps the person who makes sure the office façade is always Instagram-worthy.
Need to Hire Without the Nonsense?
If reading about these job titles has made you chuckle—and perhaps cringe a little—you're not alone. While quirky job titles might grab attention, they often leave candidates more confused than anything else.
At Coburg Banks, we focus on clear, concise, and meaningful job titles that attract the right candidates without the need for smoke and mirrors (or wizard hats). So if you need to recruit without the chaos of cryptic titles, get in touch.
We promise to keep it real. No magic wands necessary.
