There are certain moments in life that make you question the sanity of the human race.
Moments like the invention of pineapple on pizza.
The continued existence of mullets.
The fact that someone, somewhere, thought it was a good idea to make a movie about sentient tyre monsters.
And, of course, the bizarre phenomenon of office theft.
We’re not talking about the occasional sneaky pen or the odd paperclip (though heaven knows, office supplies are like gold dust in some places).
No, we’re talking about the truly bizarre, head-scratchingly strange things that employees have decided to liberate from the confines of their workplace.
Because, apparently, when people say they’re “just taking their work home,” some of them are taking it very literally.
1. The ‘Borrowed’ Office Chair
Now, we’ve all seen people drag their comfy office chairs into meeting rooms.
But one enterprising soul took it a step further and decided to actually take it home.
That’s right - they wheeled the chair out of the building, down the street, and into their living room.
Their excuse? “I needed it for my home office.”
Sure. Because God forbid you work from home in anything less than ergonomic luxury.
2. The Disappearing Desk Plant
Plants are great. They brighten up the office, improve air quality, and make you feel like a responsible adult who can keep something alive.
Which is why it’s a bit shocking when your beloved fern disappears overnight.
One employee decided they needed a bit of greenery in their life and ‘relocated’ an office plant to their own house.
When questioned, they claimed it was “dying under the fluorescent lights.”
It’s one thing to liberate a plant - it’s another to play plant saviour while actively committing botanic theft.
3. The Vanishing Toilet Paper
Now, toilet paper is a precious commodity - especially during a global pandemic, when finding a roll was like striking gold.
But even so, it’s not something you expect someone to smuggle out of the office.
Yet, there it was - an employee caught red-handed with an entire pack of toilet rolls stuffed into their backpack.
Their defence?
“I have a big family.”
Right. But maybe next time, try Tesco before resorting to office supplies.
4. The Curious Case of the Missing Keyboard
Imagine sitting down at your desk, ready to tackle the day, only to discover that your keyboard is missing.
After an extensive search, it turns out that a colleague had ‘borrowed’ it for a project at home.
Because, apparently, their quest for productivity superseded your need to get any work done.
It’s hard to type an email when all you’re left with is a mouse and a rising sense of disbelief.
5. The Illogical Lightbulb Liberation
You’d think lightbulbs would be safe from theft - but you’d be wrong.
In one particularly dark tale, an employee decided to unscrew a few from the office to take home.
When asked why, their response was:
“I just moved into a new place, and it was a bit dim.”
Well, you’ve certainly illuminated our understanding of office kleptomania.
6. The Not-So-Subtle Snack Heist
We all know office snacks can be a point of contention. But one employee took it to new heights by smuggling a 24-pack of crisps out of the kitchen.
When confronted, they simply shrugged and said:
“I didn’t have time to go shopping.”
Because who needs Tesco when you’ve got the office vending machine?
7. The Vanishing Printer Paper
Printer paper is hardly a hot commodity. Yet, an employee was caught ferrying reams out to their car.
Their justification?
“I’m helping my kid with a big school project.”
Sure. But maybe consider buying a pack before school starts?
8. The Great Coffee Mug Migration
We’ve all had moments when we wished we had that perfect office mug at home.
But one employee took this desire to an extreme by surreptitiously relocating every mug from the office to their kitchen cupboard.
When asked why, they simply said:
“These mugs are just nicer.”
Apparently, office mugs are the new fine china.
9. The 'Adopted' Office Pet
Some offices have fish tanks or small pets to create a sense of tranquillity.
But when an employee decided to take home the office goldfish, it raised a few eyebrows.
Their reason?
“I thought it looked lonely.”
Who knew office theft could be driven by compassion?
Need to Recruit People Who Won’t Steal Your Lightbulbs?
In the wild world of recruitment, finding employees who won’t pilfer your supplies is a rare treasure.
At Coburg Banks, we help you find trustworthy professionals who understand that office equipment stays in the office.
If you’re ready to recruit people who won’t make you question the very fabric of office decency, get in touch.
We promise they won’t steal your staplers.
