There are certain things in life we can all count on. The sun will rise in the east, your favourite TV show will get cancelled just as it becomes interesting, and every job seeker on the planet will transform into a ‘passionate self-starter’ the moment they sit down to write their CV.
It’s as predictable as a soap opera plot twist. One minute, they’re just a regular person who enjoys watching reruns of Friends on a Friday night. The next, they're rebranding themselves as a visionary leader who's ready to revolutionise the industry using nothing but their sheer force of will and a PowerPoint presentation.
But why does this phenomenon occur? Why does every CV in existence seem to contain the same buzzwords, the same generic statements, the same assertions of unparalleled enthusiasm?
The Power of Buzzwords
Ah, buzzwords. The linguistic equivalent of a well-timed ‘jazz hands’ in a mediocre musical. They’re everywhere, plastered across CVs like motivational posters in a primary school corridor.
And why not? They sound impressive. They make you look like you’re not just another applicant, but a shining beacon of potential waiting to be unleashed upon the unsuspecting corporate world.
But let’s be honest here. Are you really ‘results-driven’, or are you just really good at not missing deadlines because you’ve learned to strategically panic?
Are you truly a ‘dynamic problem solver’, or did you once manage to open a jar of pickles without screaming for help?
And the classic ‘team player’ – does this mean you can hold a conversation without starting a riot? Because if so, congratulations! You’re basically a modern-day hero.
The Pressure to Impress
But why do job seekers feel the need to transform into corporate superheroes on their CVs in the first place?
Simple. The job market is a ruthless battlefield, and only the most impressive candidates get to claim victory.
In an ideal world, we’d all be hired based on our actual skills, our unique qualities, and the likelihood that we won’t commit unspeakable acts in the break room fridge.
But in reality, we’re judged on a single piece of paper. A piece of paper that needs to somehow encapsulate every triumph, every contribution, and every moment of brilliance we've ever had – without sounding like we’re actually trying.
So we reach for the buzzwords, the clichés, the sweet, sweet lies that we hope will convince someone, somewhere, to give us a chance.
The Great Cover-Up
Let’s not forget that CVs are not just about bragging. They’re also about strategically omitting the facts we'd rather not share.
It’s like a game of CV Jenga. Pull out anything potentially damning and hope the whole thing doesn't collapse.
Your six-month stint as a ‘freelance consultant’? That’s code for ‘desperately unemployed and willing to try anything.’
Your ‘gap year’ spent ‘broadening your horizons’? Otherwise known as backpacking across Southeast Asia and realising that piña coladas at noon was, in fact, not a sustainable lifestyle choice.
And then there’s the classic ‘seeking new challenges’ – which is really just a polite way of saying, ‘I can’t stand my current job, and if I have to attend one more ‘motivational’ meeting, I might actually start barking.’
The Reality Check
Despite the hyperbole, the embellishments, and the outright fibs, there’s a part of us that genuinely believes we could live up to these grandiose descriptions, given the chance.
Because, at the end of the day, that’s what the job hunt is all about – presenting the best possible version of yourself and hoping someone sees that potential through the jargon.
Still, wouldn’t it be nice if we didn’t have to rely on clichés to get our foot in the door? If employers saw through the smoke and mirrors and realised we’re just people trying to find a job that doesn’t make us want to dramatically quit by lunchtime?
Need to Spot Genuine Talent?
If you’re tired of sifting through CVs that sound like they’ve all been written by the same overenthusiastic robot, we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding candidates who are more than just buzzwords on paper. We look beyond the jargon to find individuals who fit your team culture and deliver real value.
So if you’re looking to recruit, get in touch.
We promise to weed out the ‘self-starters’ and find you the real hirers.
