I once thought that the reason job adverts read like motivational posters was because someone, somewhere, just wanted to spread a little joy. You know, sprinkle a bit of positivity around like glitter at a children's birthday party. But no, it turns out there's a more sinister truth lurking beneath those saccharine sentences.
Yes, my friends, if you've recently perused the job listings, you might have noticed a peculiar trend. It's as if the entire recruitment world has been taken over by motivational speakers who have a penchant for clichés and the emotional depth of a puddle. The result? Job adverts that read like they were penned by a self-help guru on a sugar high.
The Rise of the Buzzword Bonanza
Let’s start with the buzzwords that are now as ubiquitous in job ads as coffee stains on your favourite shirt. Words like "dynamic,""passionate,"and "innovative"have been thrown around so liberally that they've lost all meaning. In fact, the only thing "dynamic"about these job adverts is their ability to dynamically induce eye-rolls.
And then there’s the classic: "Join our family."Yes, because who wouldn't want to join a family where your annual leave is scrutinised more closely than the family finances at Christmas? These ads promise a "supportive work environment,"which sounds suspiciously like code for "we expect you to cry silently in the loo when it all gets too much."
The pièce de résistance? "We’re looking for a rockstar."Unless you’re planning on providing the world tour, groupies, and a lifetime supply of hair gel, perhaps consider a term that doesn’t sound like it’s been lifted from a 1980s hair metal band audition flyer.
The Not-So-Subtle Calls to Action
The next time you’re scrolling through job ads, pay attention to the not-so-subtle attempts to make you envision your career as some sort of heroic journey. "Seize the opportunity!"they proclaim, as though you’re about to embark on a quest for the Holy Grail, rather than apply for a customer service role in a damp office park on the outskirts of Slough.
"Be part of something bigger,"they beckon, without clarifying whether that "something bigger"is a multinational conglomerate or just a department that's desperately understaffed because everyone else has already seized the opportunity to leave.
It's almost as if every recruiter has attended a weekend seminar titled "How to Write Job Ads That Sound Inspiring But Are Actually Just Vague Nonsense."
The Illusion of the Ideal Candidate
And then we have the mythical creature known as the "ideal candidate."Job ads describe this unicorn-like figure in such glowing terms you half expect to see "must possess the ability to walk on water"as a requirement. They want someone who's "detail-oriented,""visionary,"and "a team player"—essentially, a saint with the patience of a monk and the business acumen of Warren Buffett.
But here’s the kicker: these ads often ignore the glaringly obvious. While they ask for "excellent communication skills,"they fail to communicate what the actual job entails. Instead, we're left with vague descriptions and enough buzzwords to make your head spin faster than a fidget spinner in a hurricane.
The Call to Action
If you’re tired of wading through job adverts that sound like they were crafted by a motivational speaker with a quota to fill, look no further. At Coburg Banks, we’re in the business of crafting job adverts that don’t just look pretty but actually say something meaningful.
We promise our adverts won't make your eyes glaze over with endless jargon or leave you wondering if you’ve just signed up to join a cult. If you’re looking to recruit people who will actually know what they’re applying for, get in touch. We’ll help you attract candidates with substance - not just those who think they’re rockstars.
