Ah, the performance review. A time-honoured tradition where managers and employees gather in a tiny, windowless room to exchange feedback, pleasantries, and the occasional thinly veiled threat.
It’s an event that’s as inevitable as the sunrise and often about as exciting as watching paint dry, unless, of course, something goes spectacularly wrong.
Because, while performance reviews are meant to be serious business - a chance to reflect on achievements, discuss goals, and plan for the future - they are also breeding grounds for the hilariously unexpected.
From accidental overshares to technology fails, here are some of the most hilarious things that have happened during performance reviews.
1. The Open-Mic Night
Picture this: An eager employee, keen to make a good impression, decides to start the review with a joke.
Harmless enough, right? Except, instead of a quick icebreaker, they launch into a full-blown comedy routine, complete with impressions, awkward accents, and a finale involving a harmonica rendition of "Eye of the Tiger."
The manager, caught somewhere between bemusement and bewilderment, just nods along, wondering if he’s stumbled into an accidental audition for Britain’s Got Talent.
2. The Technology Betrayal
In today’s digital age, many performance reviews happen over video call. Which is fantastic - until technology decides to throw a spanner in the works.
Take, for instance, the manager who decided to share their screen to show performance graphs, only to accidentally reveal their Amazon search history:
"Best dandruff shampoo"
"How to remove cat hair from keyboard"
"Why do my employees hate me?"
Nothing like a bit of oversharing to break the ice.
3. The Dreaded Mute Button
And then, of course, there’s the classic mute button mishap.
One unlucky individual, while thinking they were safely muted, was overheard muttering:
"This is such a waste of time."
Followed by:
"When can I go home?"
And the pièce de résistance:
"Honestly, I’d rather be at the dentist."
To their credit, they recovered well, claiming they were quoting a friend. We’re not sure anyone bought it, but points for effort.
4. The Surprise Guest Appearance
There’s nothing quite like a surprise guest to liven up a performance review.
One manager was midway through discussing targets when their child burst into the room dressed as a dinosaur, demanding to know where their favourite toy had gone.
Instead of redirecting the conversation, the manager simply sighed and handed over a half-eaten banana, which seemed to satisfy both the child and the dinosaur.
5. The "Not-So-Subtle"Snack Break
Food and drink are part of life’s little pleasures, but perhaps not during a performance review.
One employee, clearly unfazed by social norms, decided to treat themselves to a full-blown picnic during their review.
We’re talking sandwiches, crisps, and even a thermos of soup. All while nodding along to feedback, pausing only to offer their manager a sausage roll.
In fairness, the manager accepted. Waste not, want not.
6. The Misunderstood Compliment
Feedback is important, but it’s also open to interpretation.
One manager, attempting to boost morale, described their employee as:
"A real jack of all trades."
The employee, unfamiliar with the phrase, misheard it as:
"A real jack of all trays."
They proceeded to take it as a compliment on their exceptional tray-carrying skills, prompting a 10-minute digression about the time they successfully balanced three trays of drinks at the company Christmas party.
7. The Accidental Confession
Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, people forget where they are and what they’re doing.
One employee, in a bid to demonstrate their dedication, accidentally confessed:
"I’ve been using my annual leave to secretly work on side projects. I just don’t understand what relaxation is."
The manager, equal parts impressed and horrified, simply nodded and suggested they take a real vacation.
8. The Costume Change
Dress codes are standard in most offices… unless you’re working from home and forget that the camera is on.
One individual, feeling slightly too comfortable, decided to switch into their dressing gown halfway through the video call - complete with slippers and a hot water bottle.
When questioned, they claimed it was ‘motivational attire.’ We’re not sure if that flew, but the rest of the team certainly got a laugh.
9. The Unplanned Office Tour
In an attempt to placate a fussy cat, one employee ended up providing a full tour of their home office during their review.
Cat in one hand, laptop in the other, they narrated their way through:
"And here’s my desk… the pile of papers I’ll definitely get to… and the plant that’s probably dead."
It wasn’t quite what the manager had in mind, but at least it was thorough.
10. The "I Work Best in Chaos"Speech
Sometimes, in the quest to justify certain behaviours, people try to turn their quirks into superpowers.
Case in point: The employee who, facing criticism for a disorganised desk, declared:
"I work best in chaos. It’s where my creativity thrives."
They then proceeded to dramatically sweep pens, papers, and what appeared to be a half-eaten sandwich, to one side, proclaiming:
"See? Inspiration!"
Needless to say, the manager was not entirely convinced.
Need to Recruit People Who Can Handle a Performance Review?
If any of these stories sound familiar, and you’re starting to wonder if you need a fresh batch of more, shall we say, ‘conventional’ employees, we’re here to help.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding candidates who can thrive in any environment - even one where dinosaur costumes and impromptu comedy routines are the norm.
If you need to recruit, get in touch. We promise to help you find the right fit, and maybe even provide a laugh or two along the way.
