Picture this: You’re sitting in a room with a hiring manager who, despite having a coffee-stained tie and the vacant expression of someone who’s forgotten their own name, is about to decide your fate.
They’ve got a list of requirements for the job you’re applying for, scribbled in what looks like hieroglyphs, and they’re already making up new ones as the interview progresses.
You start to wonder if you’ve accidentally wandered into an audition for a bizarre reality TV show. But no – this is just another day in the world of recruitment.
Because, in a baffling turn of events, it seems some hiring managers have decided that the best way to fill a role is to invent requirements on the spot, as if every candidate is a contestant on a game show they didn’t sign up for.
So, let’s delve into the chaos that ensues when job requirements become a magical mystery tour of desperate improvisation.
The Unexpected Surprise Skills
Ah, the joy of sitting in an interview and hearing the words:
"Actually, we're also looking for someone with experience in astrophysics."
You blink, nod politely, and wonder if you've accidentally applied for NASA instead of an admin role at a small marketing firm.
These surprise skills are often things that only a niche group of experts would possess, and yet here they are, being casually tossed into the requirements of an entry-level job.
Some classic surprise skills include:
- Fluency in a language spoken by approximately twelve people worldwide.
- The ability to code in a programming language that was popular back when Internet Explorer reigned supreme.
- Experience in handling animals, specifically llamas, because you just never know when that might be necessary in a sales role.
The ‘We Need a Miracle’ Requirements
Then there are the requirements that would make even the most capable of candidates break into a cold sweat.
It’s as if the hiring manager took inspiration from a superhero movie and is hoping to recruit someone who can single-handedly save the company from bankruptcy using nothing but sheer willpower and a PowerPoint presentation.
Some gems include:
"Must be able to single-handedly lead a team of 50."
For an internship.
"Needs to generate £1 million in revenue within the first quarter."
For a role that pays in exposure and leftover pastries from the office kitchen.
"Must be able to handle extreme pressure and chaos, and thrive in an environment lacking any structure or support."
Ah yes, the perfect welcome to the family. Chaos, panic, and disorder - our work here is done.
The Completely Unrelated Experience
Perhaps one of the most confounding phenomena is the insertion of requirements that have absolutely no connection to the job at hand.
You see it and think, “Did they copy-paste this from a role in a completely different industry?”
Examples include:
"Experience in underwater basket weaving preferred."
For a role in accounting.
"Knowledge of ancient Egyptian hieroglyphs is a plus."
For a post as a social media manager.
"Must have performed at least one stand-up comedy set."
For a compliance officer role.
And Yet…
Despite these bewildering requirements, people still show up and give it their best shot, because let’s face it – a paycheck is a paycheck.
But if you’re a business owner or hiring manager, perhaps it’s time to stop and ask yourself: Am I recruiting for a job, or for the lead role in the next Marvel blockbuster?
Because trust me, while we’d all love a superhero in the workplace, what you really need is someone who can just do the job, without the need for a dramatic cape or a series of unbelievable plot twists.
Need to Recruit Without Playing ‘Requirements Roulette’?
If reading this has made you realise that your own hiring process might be a little too creative for its own good, we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we believe in setting realistic and relevant job requirements to attract the right candidates - ones who are equipped to do the job, not perform magic tricks.
So if you need to recruit (without the circus act), get in touch.
We promise to keep it sensible, simple, and lawsuit-free.
