There are few things in life as universally relatable as the desire to skip work.
Whether it's because you've had a particularly late night, or because the duvet has somehow become a thousand times more comfortable overnight, or simply because you can't face another day of Susan from accounts droning on about her cat's dietary requirements, the urge to stay home and do absolutely nothing can be overwhelming.
Of course, in these situations, a simple “I’m not feeling well” will usually suffice. But some people, bless them, aren’t satisfied with such pedestrian excuses.
No, they prefer to take things to the next level with elaborate tales that rival the best of Hollywood blockbusters.
So, in honour of the creative geniuses who have pulled off the most outlandish tales to skip a day at the grind, here are some of the funniest excuses employees have ever used to get out of work.
1. The "Pet Emergency"That Wasn't
Everyone loves a good pet story - and for some employees, it’s the perfect cover.
One employee claimed that their hamster had gone into labour and needed constant supervision.
Now, I've no idea if hamsters even do that sort of thing, but apparently, this one did.
The best part? This employee didn’t even own a hamster.
2. The "I Was Abducted By Aliens"
Sometimes, a bit of sci-fi is just what the doctor ordered.
One employee called in claiming they couldn’t make it to work because they’d been abducted by aliens the previous night and were still feeling disoriented.
I'm not sure whether the boss was more impressed by the creativity or concerned for their mental health.
3. The "I Got Stuck in My House"
This one’s a classic - and, if nothing else, it’s a testament to the power of imagination.
One employee claimed their house had been mysteriously locked from the outside and they couldn’t get out.
How this happened in the age of mobile locksmiths, I’ll never know. And yet, the excuse was accepted without question.
4. The "Spontaneous Combustion"
Why not go for the dramatic if you’re going to skip work?
One employee rang in to say they couldn’t make it that day because their oven had spontaneously combusted, and they had to deal with the aftermath.
Which begs the question: if your cooker supposedly has a mind of its own, perhaps it's time to order in!
5. The "Unfortunate Tattoo Mishap"
We’ve all heard of regrettable tattoos, but one employee took it to another level.
They claimed they’d gotten a new tattoo over the weekend and were now stuck in their shirtsleeves, unable to move because they'd partially adhered to their skin.
As if the tattoo wasn’t punishment enough, the mortification of explaining this to the boss surely was.
6. The "Exploding Soda"Fiasco
In a saga that sounds like a fizzy beverage horror story, one employee had a rather sticky excuse.
Apparently, a rogue can of soda had exploded in their car on a warm day, and they needed time to clean the sugar-fuelled disaster while mourning their upholstery.
Who knew soft drinks could be so destructive?
7. The "My Goldfish Died (Again)"
Now, losing a pet can be truly traumatic, but when it's your third goldfish in two months?
One employee used this excuse not once, not twice, but thrice. Either they were really unlucky with fish, or they were onto something.
Perhaps they should have stuck to plants.
8. The "Unfortunate Yogurt Incident"
Sometimes, breakfast can be more eventful than anticipated.
One employee claimed they’d spilled yogurt on themselves in such a spectacular fashion that they needed the entire day to clean up.
If yogurt can cause that much chaos, I shudder to think what a full English could do.
9. The "Epic Video Game Quest"
For those who take their gaming seriously, sometimes real life just has to wait.
One employee boldly declared that they couldn’t come in because they were on the final level of a video game and couldn’t save their progress.
Now, while I admire their commitment... I’m guessing the boss wasn’t quite as impressed.
10. The "Stuck in Traffic (Behind a Herd of Sheep)"
Traffic jams are a common excuse, but this one takes the cake.
An employee claimed they were stuck behind a herd of sheep that had taken over the road.
Whether or not this was true, I applaud the creativity. I mean, who would question the unpredictable nature of sheep?
Need to Recruit People Who Show Up?
If reading these has made you realise your team might be in need of some fresh talent, Coburg Banks can help.
Our candidates don't just come with resumes - they come with reliability, professionalism, and hopefully, no wild animal traffic stories.
So if you need recruits who are more predictable than a goldfish, reach out. We promise they won’t blame yogurt for taking a day off.
