In the wild and wacky world of recruitment, there are some things that simply defy explanation.
Why do recruiters insist on using buzzwords like they’re trying to win a game of corporate bingo?
Why do some job descriptions have more typos than a teenager’s text message?
And why, for the love of all that is sacred, do some job adverts read like they were written by a caffeinated squirrel with a limited grasp of reality?
Buckle up, dear reader, as we dive into the murky depths of the job market, exploring adverts that are so bafflingly bad, they've become legends in their own right.
Yes, someone actually approved these, and yes, they were probably serious.
1. The One That Didn’t Bother With Grammar
Let’s start with an absolute gem that somehow manages to break every rule of the English language:
"We looking 4 a hardworkng self-motivated indivdual to join are team. If you have expereince in, apply now!!!"
Ah, nothing says professionalism quite like a job ad that looks like it was typed by a cat walking across a keyboard.
And the generous use of exclamation marks really drives home the desperation, doesn’t it?
2. The One That Promised the World
We all know recruiters like to exaggerate, but this one takes it to a whole new level:
"Join our team and you’ll receive flexible hours, free lunches, unlimited holidays, a company car, and a pet unicorn."
Right. I assume this is the same company that’s hiring for a ‘Happiness Ninja’ with a starting salary of £12,000?
Sign me up, but I’m going to need photographic proof of that unicorn.
3. The One That Forgot to Hide Their Bias
There are subtle ways to hint at what you’re looking for in a candidate. And then, there’s this:
"We need a young, energetic go-getter to join our vibrant team."
Translation: If you’re over the age of 30, don’t even bother applying.
Here’s a tip: if your job ad feels like it could double as a dating profile, you might be doing it wrong.
4. The One That Needed a Reality Check
Some job adverts have expectations that are so outrageously high, they might as well say:
"Looking for an entry-level candidate with 15 years of experience, 7 PhDs, fluency in 10 languages, and the ability to summon rainbows at will."
Oh, and the salary? ‘Competitive’, of course.
But hey, who needs a livable wage when you can work for exposure?
5. The One That Was Painfully Honest
Honesty is great. Brutal honesty? Not so much.
"This job is awful. You will hate it. The pay is terrible and the hours are long. But if you’re desperate, apply now."
Well, at least they’re upfront about it?
In this case, the only thing worse than the job itself is the person who approved this advert in the first place.
6. The One That Went Way Off-Topic
Job adverts should be concise and to the point, but this one decided to take us on a journey:
"Join our team as a Customer Service Rep! We started in 1984, the same year that Ghostbusters hit cinemas. That’s when the weather was especially warm, and the founder’s cat had kittens. Speaking of cats, let me tell you about my tabby, Mr. Whiskers…”
I’d love to hear more about Mr. Whiskers, but I’m not sure how he relates to my career prospects.
Maybe save the feline anecdotes for the office Christmas party?
7. The One That Tried to Be Cool
Some companies try way too hard to appear hip and trendy, resulting in this masterpiece:
"Join our squad, fam! We’re looking for a lit AF team player who slays at multitasking. No cap, this gig is fire!"
I’m sorry, but what language are we speaking here?
Are we applying for a job, or have we accidentally stumbled into a TikTok dance challenge?
8. The One That Was Just Straight-Up Weird
Last but not least, we have the job ad that defies explanation:
"Do you love mayonnaise? Are you skilled at interpreting the dreams of ferrets? Apply now to join our innovative team!"
To this day, I’m not sure what this role involved, and frankly, I’m too afraid to ask.
For now, we’ll just have to assume it involves a bizarre cult dedicated to condiment-based prophecy.
Need Help Avoiding These Blunders?
If reading this has made you question your own job adverts, fear not. At Coburg Banks, we can help you create job ads that attract top talent without making candidates question their sanity.
Whether you need a "Brand Ninja" or just someone who knows how to make a decent cup of tea, we’ve got you covered.
So, if you’re ready to recruit without the ridiculousness, get in touch.
We promise not to mention unicorns or ferrets.
