Have you ever come across a job ad that made you question if the hiring manager was off their rocker?
You know, the kind of ad that seems like it was written after a long night in a pub, where every requirement is more bizarre than the last?
They’re out there, lurking in the shadows of the job board, waiting to trap unsuspecting job seekers into a world of confusion.
Because for some employers, writing a job ad isn’t just about listing skills and qualifications; it’s about crafting a manifesto of madness.
So, buckle up as we dive into the most bewildering job ad requirements that leave us all shaking our heads in disbelief.
The Physically Impossible
Let’s kick things off with the job ads that demand the impossible.
Requirements so absurd, you’d think they were applying for an opening at Hogwarts.
"Must be able to work 24/7."
Right. Because clearly, they’re looking for a robot, not a human being with a pesky need for sleep, food, and maybe a social life.
"Need to foresee industry trends for the next 10 years."
Ah, a clairvoyant. Got it. No wonder they were willing to pay above minimum wage, because they’re not just hiring a worker; they’re hiring a psychic Oracle.
The Ridiculously Specific
Then we have the job ads that are so specific, they might as well be looking for a unicorn.
"Must have experience using software developed in-house by our company."
Right. Because new employees always come pre-installed with knowledge of your proprietary systems. Makes perfect sense.
"Candidates must have recently returned from living in the Andes."
Apparently, living in the Andes gives you unparalleled skills in filing reports and managing spreadsheets.
The Downright Bizarre
Ah, and now we arrive at the crème de la crème of ridiculousness - the requirements that seem plucked from an alternate reality.
"Must have a love for beige."
Good to know that your job as an accountant requires a profound appreciation for the most thrilling colour on the spectrum.
"Must be willing to dress as a historical figure on request."
Because nothing boosts productivity quite like dressing up as Henry VIII during the quarterly sales meeting.
The Linguistic Gymnastics
Next up, the job ads that use language as a weapon of mass confusion.
"Looking for someone with a ninja-level understanding of cloud-based solutions."
So… someone who sneaks in silently, deploys a server, and then vanishes into a puff of smoke?
"Candidates should be able to synergize dynamic deliverables while optimizing cross-platform interfaces."
Translation: We have no idea what we need, but we’re hoping you can figure it out.
The Wildly Unrealistic
And finally, the job ads that set the bar so high, it’s floating somewhere in the stratosphere.
"Must have 15 years of experience in a field that has only existed for 5."
Right. Clearly, they’re looking for a time traveller. I imagine the next requirement involves owning a DeLorean.
"Candidates must be fluent in both human and canine languages."
Did I stumble into the casting call for Doctor Dolittle?
Need Help Writing a Job Ad That Doesn’t Make People Roll Their Eyes?
If any of these sound suspiciously like something you’ve seen - or worse, written - we’re here to help.
At Coburg Banks, we craft job ads that actually make sense, attract qualified candidates, and don’t require applicants to have lived atop a mountain or possess a sixth sense.
If you need to recruit without the nonsense, get in touch.
And remember: as much as we all love a good laugh, sometimes it’s better to leave the ridiculousness out of the job descriptions.
