In the vast, wild jungle of job hunting, there are a few things that candidates can generally rely on: rejection emails that never arrive, interviews that feel more like interrogations, and job adverts that set them up for failure before they’ve even hit "apply."
Oh, and let’s not forget about the soul-crushing realisation that you've just spent two hours on an application only to discover the role has already been filled.
So, what exactly is it that makes a job advert a pitfall-laden obstacle course, rather than a clear path to glorious employment? Let’s delve into the murky depths of recruitment marketing to find out.
The Impossible Job Description
Let’s start with the kind of job advert that requires candidates to be some mythical creature capable of doing everything and anything – all while simultaneously exuding charisma, pizazz, and an unwavering passion for mundane tasks.
These adverts often feature sentences like:
"Looking for a driven, self-motivated individual with 15+ years of experience in a cutting-edge technology that was invented last Tuesday."
Or better yet:
"Must have the ability to work independently while simultaneously being a collaborative team player."
Because nothing says 'clear and realistic expectations' quite like requiring a candidate to be in two places at once, all while inventing the next iPhone in their spare time.
The Buzzword Overload
Job ads that use more buzzwords than an influencer at a Silicon Valley startup conference are another classic offender.
These are the adverts that you need a dictionary, thesaurus, and possibly a degree in cryptography just to decipher:
"We’re seeking a thought leader who can leverage their core competencies to synergise vertical markets in a dynamic ecosystem."
Translation: We want someone who can do... something. We're just not entirely sure what that something is.
And if the advert mentions "synergy"more than twice, you know you’re in for a wild ride that ends with a weekly all-hands meeting where everyone nods knowingly but no one really knows what's going on.
The Hidden Salary
Ah, the delight of scrolling down a job description only to find that the salary is one of life's great mysteries.
Instead of telling you what you’ll earn, they deploy classic lines like:
"Salary: Competitive."
Translation: We’ll pay you just enough to stop you from eating your keyboard out of frustration.
Or, the ever-popular:
"Salary: Negotiable based on experience."
Which usually means they have a figure in mind, and if you try to negotiate, they’ll throw in a company pen and call it a day.
The Unrealistic Expectations
These are the ads that make you question whether they’re looking for a candidate or an actual superhero.
With expectations like:
"Must be available 24/7, including weekends, holidays, and your own birthday."
And:
"Must have a proven track record of doubling company revenue within the first quarter."
Because who wouldn’t want to commit to a job that leaves you with just enough time to sleep, brush your teeth, and cry softly into your pillow?
The Non-Job
And then there are the job adverts that are so vague, you wonder if they’re just a prank created by bored HR professionals looking to spice up their day.
These adverts often list a series of generic tasks like:
"Assist in various projects as needed."
And:
"Other duties as assigned."
Ah, yes, nothing like signing up for a position where your main responsibility could be literally anything.
Need Usable Job Adverts That Don’t Baffle Candidates?
If you’ve ever been guilty of writing a job advert that reads more like a cryptic crossword than a clear call to action, it’s time to make a change.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in crafting job advertisements that set clear expectations, attract the right candidates, and don't leave them wondering if they need a secret decoder ring.
So if you’re looking to recruit without the confusion, get in touch. We promise no buzzwords, no unrealistic demands, and definitely no nonsense.
