Ah, LinkedIn. The social media platform where professionals go to network, showcase their achievements, and occasionally humblebrag about that time they completed a 5k charity run in under 30 minutes.
But there’s one LinkedIn feature that consistently provides us with more amusement than anything else on the site: the humble endorsement.
In theory, endorsements are a simple concept. They’re a way for colleagues to acknowledge your skills and competencies. But in practice, they often read like the fever dreams of someone with a thesaurus and far too much time on their hands.
So, without further ado, let’s dive into the wild world of LinkedIn and explore some of the most over-the-top endorsements ever written.
The ‘Living Legend’ Praise
Some endorsements are so effusive you’d think the recipient had single-handedly ended world hunger while simultaneously solving world peace.
"John is not just a leader; he is a beacon of inspiration, a lighthouse guiding us through the stormy seas of corporate life. His strategic acumen and unparalleled business foresight are rivalled only by his angelic voice and superior dance skills."
While it’s lovely to know that John’s presence is as comforting as a lighthouse, we’re just not sure how his dance skills are relevant unless he’s leading a corporate dance troupe.
The ‘Hyperbolic Hero’ Accolade
There’s a particular breed of endorsement that seems to confuse LinkedIn with a superhero fan club.
"Mary possesses the rare ability to predict market trends with the accuracy of a seasoned oracle. Her mere presence can turn a floundering project into a resounding success and her coffee-making skills are beyond compare."
While Mary’s divination skills are impressive, it does make us wonder if she’s using a crystal ball or just really good at reading quarterly reports.
The ‘Everything But the Kitchen Sink’ Endorsement
In some cases, the endorser is so determined to cover every possible skill that the endorsement ends up resembling a shopping list of human attributes.
"Tom is a visionary leader, an innovative thinker, a brilliant strategist, a compassionate mentor, a talented chef, a gifted musician, an accomplished athlete, a skilled craftsman, and a devoted family man. Also, he makes a mean lasagne."
While it’s impressive that Tom has somehow found time to master everything from business strategy to lasagne-making, we can’t help but wonder if he ever sleeps.
The ‘Corporate Poet’ Tribute
Some endorsements read less like a testament to someone’s work skills and more like a love letter crafted by a corporate poet laureate.
"Sarah’s innovation flows through the office like a gentle breeze, lifting our spirits and igniting our passions. Her insights are as deep as the ocean and as clear as a mountain stream. Her laughter is the soundtrack to our success."
While it’s heartwarming to know that Sarah is basically the office Mary Poppins, we do wonder if her laughter is really the only thing driving those quarterly targets.
The ‘Unexpected Talent Mention’
Occasionally, an endorsement will throw in a skill so completely unrelated to the job that it leaves you wondering if there’s been some kind of mix-up.
"Jessica can close a deal faster than you can blink and has the negotiation skills of a seasoned diplomat. Plus, she once wrestled a bear in the wilderness and lived to tell the tale!"
While we’re sure Jessica’s negotiation skills are formidable, we’re left wondering whether the bear was part of a particularly aggressive pitch meeting.
Want to Find Candidates Who Don’t Need a Thesaurus to Shine?
If you’ve had your fill of hyperbolic endorsements and are looking for real talent without the theatrics, we’re here to help. At Coburg Banks, we focus on finding candidates who are as skilled in reality as their LinkedIn profile suggests.
So, if you need to recruit professionals who can back up their skills without the need for a dramatic monologue, get in touch. We promise no bears, no lighthouses, and no unnecessary poetry.
Just good, honest recruitment - the way it should be.
