Ah, LinkedIn. The professional network where everyone is “thrilled to connect” and “excited to announce” and where every job title seems to come with a side order of “entrepreneurial spirit” and a dash of “thought leadership.”
But, like any good social network, it occasionally descends into utter chaos, delivering a treasure trove of content that makes you question whether the person typing was fully conscious at the time.
And nowhere does LinkedIn get more gloriously unhinged than in the job search posts. Because, if you’re going to put yourself out there, you might as well do it in a way that leaves people wondering if they should call HR or the nearest mental health professional.
Join us as we dive into the most unhinged LinkedIn job search posts ever written.
1. The Overly Honest Hustler
Job hunting is stressful, no doubt about it. But some people take honesty to new, career-limiting heights.
“Looking for a job in marketing. Fired from my last role because I couldn’t stop binge-watching Netflix at my desk. But hey, who can resist a good series?”
On the one hand, you’ve got to admire their candour. On the other hand, maybe keep the TV habits to yourself next time?
“I’m in urgent need of a job. Not too fussed about what it is, as long as it’s easy and pays well. Preferably something where I can work in my pyjamas.”
Well, aren’t we all? Sadly, the Prozac-fuelled dream job doesn’t often cross paths with reality.
2. The Shameless Self-Promoter
There’s a fine line between confidence and delusion, and some LinkedIn job seekers are determined to straddle it.
“I am the living embodiment of a productivity god. Hire me, and your company will never know a single wasted minute again!”
Some might say “overconfident.” I prefer to think of it as “setting yourself up for a glorious reality check.”
“I am the best candidate you will ever see. I say this with all humility, because it’s simply a fact.”
Mate, it’s LinkedIn - not the X Factor.
3. The Completely Inappropriate Approach
There’s always that one person who reads the room entirely wrong, and LinkedIn is no exception.
“Need a job ASAP! My landlord is a heartless monster and demands rent next week. If you have any heart, you’ll hire me immediately!”
Ah yes, appealing to a potential employer's sense of guilt. Classic tactic. Ineffective, but classic.
“I don’t have any experience, but I’m willing to learn. Also, I’m allergic to most work environments, so remote only, please.”
Quite the unique selling point there. I’m sure the offers will just come pouring in.
4. The Meme Overload
Some people have fully embraced the meme culture, to the point where their job search posts are indistinguishable from a BuzzFeed listicle.
“Looking for a new job like… [insert GIF of a cat hanging from a branch]”
Sure, it’s funny. But does it scream “hire me”? Not unless you’re applying to be a professional internet troll.
“When you’re job hunting and your LinkedIn feed is nothing but #humblebrags… [insert eye-roll emoji].”
Clever. And relatable. But maybe save the sass for the post-interview drinks?
5. The Ultra-Dramatic
Some job seekers bring the drama with all the subtlety of a soap opera villain.
“After years of betrayal and heartbreak in the world of finance, I’m looking for a new beginning in an industry that won’t destroy my soul.”
Right. I’m sure employers will be falling over themselves to hire someone who thinks they’re auditioning for a role in Macbeth.
“I am a phoenix rising from the ashes of redundancy, ready to soar into my next opportunity!”
And I’m a sea turtle looking to venture into interior design. But here we are.
6. The Excessively Casual
Then there are those who treat LinkedIn like it’s Facebook.
“Yo, peeps! I’m on the hunt for a new gig. Hit me up if you know of anything chill.”
“Yo, peeps”? What is this, 2003?
“Hola, LinkedIn fam! I’m vibing for a new job, preferably in something that doesn’t require me to adult too much.”
If only the job market was as forgiving as your group chat.
Need to Navigate LinkedIn Without Losing Your Mind?
If reading this has made you cringe so hard you’ve pulled a muscle, you’re in good company.
At Coburg Banks, we help candidates present themselves in a way that attracts employers - and not in an “Oh my, this person is a car crash of professionalism” kind of way.
So, if you’re looking for a job or trying to hire someone who knows how to use LinkedIn without needing an intervention, get in touch. We promise to keep the drama to a minimum.
