Ah, the follow-up email – the polite nudge, the gentle reminder, the subtle whisper of “Notice me, senpai!” in the vast, cold darkness of the recruitment abyss.
In theory, it’s a perfectly reasonable strategy. After all, you’ve applied for a job, and you want to show you’re keen, interested, and able to string a sentence together without using emojis.
But in practice, as with so many things in life, there are those who take it too far, transforming a simple follow-up into a cringe-worthy spectacle that would make even the most hardened recruiter recoil in horror.
So, in the spirit of learning from other people’s mistakes (and having a good laugh along the way), let’s dive into some of the most ridiculous candidate follow-up emails that did more harm than good.
1. The ‘Desperate’ Dabbler
There’s keen, and then there’s… desperate. One candidate followed up with:
"Hi, I haven’t heard back yet about the job. I’ve already cleared my desk at my current job and told everyone I’m leaving, so it would be super awkward if you decided not to hire me. When can I start?"
Well, that’s one way to apply pressure. But it’s also a great way to ensure the hiring manager forwards your email straight to the ‘Nope’ folder.
2. The ‘Persistent’ Persuader
A daily email might seem like a good way to stay top of mind, but there’s a fine line between persistence and pestering.
One candidate took this to the extreme by emailing:
"Hi again, just following up on the message I sent... erm... yesterday. And the one from the day before. And the one from last week. I’m pretty sure I’ve made it to your spam folder by now. Please, I just need closure."
There’s a reason for the phrase “squeaky wheel gets the grease” – but in this case, it’s more likely to get a restraining order.
3. The ‘Bribery’ Bonanza
Some candidates seem to think the hiring process is akin to a shady backstreet deal.
One particularly optimistic soul wrote:
"If you give me this job, I’ll send you a bottle of my vintage homemade wine. It’s practically famous in my village."
Let’s just say the only thing less appealing than a bribe is a bribe involving questionable alcohol.
4. The ‘Guilt-Trip’ Gambit
Playing the sympathy card is an… interesting choice.
One candidate boldly declared:
"I’m still waiting to hear back about the job. I hope you understand that my dog is counting on me to get this role so we don’t end up living in a cardboard box. Please, think of the dog."
Sure, dogs are great, but emotional manipulation isn’t exactly the hallmark of professionalism.
5. The ‘Try Something New’ Tactic
Some candidates decide that the traditional follow-up format is too boring.
One individual opted for:
"Hey [Recruiter’s Name],
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Still waiting to hear,
Back from you."
Creative? Yes.
Effective? Not so much.
6. The ‘Name-Drop’ Nightmare
Thinking a little name-dropping can’t hurt? Think again.
"Hi, just a reminder that my cousin’s friend is your boss’s neighbour. Just thought you’d like to know. Looking forward to hearing from you!"
While networking is important, this is more of a “creepy stalker alert” than a professional connection.
7. The ‘Reverse Psychology’ Ruse
Reverse psychology isn’t just for toddlers. Apparently, it’s also for desperate job seekers.
"I’ve decided to withdraw my application. Unless, of course, you’re about to offer me the job. In which case, I’m still interested."
Spoiler alert: It didn’t work.
8. The ‘Threatening’ Thespian
Threats are never a good look, but one candidate decided it was worth a shot.
"I just wanted to let you know that I’m considering taking a role with one of your direct competitors. This is your chance to make me a better offer."
There’s confidence, and then there’s this. Unsurprisingly, they didn’t get the job – or the imaginary offer from the competitor.
9. The ‘Forgot to Proofread’ Faux Pas
In their haste to follow up, some candidates forget the golden rule of communication: check your work.
"Hi, I’m just following up on my application for the role of [INSERT JOB TITLE HERE]. I believe my skills in [INSERT RELEVANT SKILL] make me a strong candidate."
If you’re going to use a template, at least remember to fill in the blanks.
10. The ‘Overenthusiastic’ Optimist
Overenthusiasm can be charming, but there’s a line.
"OMG, I just wanted to say THANK YOU SO MUCH for considering me for this AMAZING opportunity! I’ve already told everyone I know how excited I am, so please don’t leave me hanging!"
Excitement is great, but desperation is not a good look.
Need to Recruit Candidates Who Know When Enough is Enough?
If these stories have left you questioning the state of modern job applications, rest assured – there are candidates out there who understand the delicate art of the follow-up.
At Coburg Banks, we connect you with professionals who know how to impress without overstepping the mark.
So if you’re ready to recruit skilled, sensible candidates (and avoid the email spam), get in touch.
We promise we won’t send you any poetry.
