There are moments in life that make you question everything you thought you knew.
Like when you find a long-lost jumper you've been blaming your partner for losing, neatly folded at the back of your drawer.
Or when you attempt a DIY haircut and discover you are certainly not Vidal Sassoon reincarnated.
But nothing quite compares to the existential crisis that ensues when you witness a hiring manager who has somehow, inexplicably, forgotten how hiring works.
You might wonder, how does one simply forget such a fundamental aspect of their job? Well, dear reader, prepare to delve into a world where logic takes a vacation, common sense is a distant memory, and the art of hiring is akin to asking a cat to juggle.
The Job Description That Could Be a Novel
Let’s start with the humble job description - a crucial element of the hiring process.
Or, as some hiring managers see it, an opportunity to write their magnum opus.
Like a Dickensian saga, the job description can stretch on for pages, filled with every conceivable task an employee might perform, up to and including making coffee and babysitting the CEO’s pet iguana.
While a comprehensive job description is necessary, remember, this isn’t an episode of The Crown. Keep it concise. Think Haiku, not War and Peace.
Interview Questions from Another Dimension
Then there’s the interview itself, where things really get interesting.
Because somewhere between “Tell me about yourself” and “Where do you see yourself in five years?” lurks a realm of questions that are, frankly, bizarre.
We’ve all heard the classics:
"If you were a vegetable, which one would you be and why?"
Or perhaps:
"How would you solve problems if you were from Mars?"
Yes, because as we all know, the key to a successful project manager is their ability to empathise with extraterrestrial beings.
The moral of the story? Keep your questions relevant and grounded in this dimension, unless you’re genuinely recruiting for NASA.
The Feedback That Never Was
But the true pièce de résistance is the post-interview feedback, or should I say, the lack thereof.
Because in the baffling world of forgotten hiring practices, giving candidates constructive feedback is apparently akin to revealing state secrets.
For some hiring managers, ghosting candidates is their chosen method of communication. Nothing says “We value your interest” quite like resounding silence.
Remember, just a few lines of feedback can turn a potential disaster into a learning opportunity.
The Myth of the Perfect Candidate
And finally, we encounter the elusive myth of the “perfect candidate” - a creature more rare and mystical than a unicorn in a tuxedo.
For some reason, certain hiring managers cling to the belief that out there, somewhere, is a candidate who ticks every single box on a list longer than Santa’s.
But here’s the truth: even the most exceptional candidates might be missing one or two less critical skills. Hiring success lies in potential, adaptability, and attitude.
When Hiring Gets Real
If any of this resonates with you, it might be time to reassess your approach. Perhaps you’ve realised that your hiring process is less of a well-oiled machine and more of an inflatable tube man flailing outside a used car dealership.
Need Help Remembering How Hiring Works?
Don’t worry, we’ve got your back. At Coburg Banks, we specialise in bringing clarity and efficiency to the hiring process.
Whether it’s writing clear job ads, conducting meaningful interviews, or providing constructive feedback, we’ve got it covered.
So, if you want to hire without the madness, get in touch. We’ll make sure your hiring process is grounded in reality, not drifting off into the ether.
