There are a few things in life that can make you feel like royalty.
Being upgraded to first class when you’ve paid for economy - suddenly, you’re sipping champagne in an armchair while everyone else fights for elbow room in the back.
Or when you find a forgotten tenner in your coat pocket - it’s not much, but for a brief, shining moment, you feel like a billionaire with a secret fortune.
And then, there’s the Employee Welcome Package.
Now, a sensible welcome package is a lovely thing. It says, “We’re excited to have you on board, here’s a pen with our logo on it.”
But some companies have taken the idea and run with it - gone full Kanye when they could have just gone Coldplay.
The result? Welcome packages so over-the-top, they make you wonder if you’ve accidentally joined a corporate cult.
1. The ‘Ultimate Swag Bag’
We’re talking branded hoodies, luxury notebooks, high-end wireless earbuds, designer water bottles, and custom backpacks.
Somewhere, someone in a boardroom decided that the best way to say ‘welcome’ was to dress you head-to-toe like their personal billboard.
Forget subtlety - they want you to be a walking ad, gleaming like a human disco ball in their brand colours.
2. The ‘Home Office Overhaul’
With remote work on the rise, some companies have gone all out to kit out new hires with the best home office equipment money can buy.
Think ergonomic chairs that look like they belong on the USS Enterprise, standing desks that adjust with a simple touch, and monitors so large they could double as home cinema screens.
All very generous, but it does make you wonder if they’re planning to ever let you leave your house again.
3. The ‘Exotic Getaway’
Some companies have taken ‘welcome’ to a whole new level by offering new employees a paid trip to an exotic location as part of their induction.
“Welcome to the team! Now pack your bags, because you’re off to Bali for a week of team bonding and cultural immersion!”
One can only assume they’re hoping you’ll be so dazzled by the beaches and cocktails that you’ll overlook the fact that you have no idea what your job actually entails.
4. The ‘Gourmet Gift Box’
Some companies, clearly confusing the corporate world with MasterChef, have decided that the best way to welcome new employees is through their stomachs.
We’re talking artisanal cheeses, cured meats, luxury chocolates, exotic teas, and a bottle of champagne - because nothing says ‘Welcome aboard’ like an impromptu feast at your desk.
Just don’t blame them when your productivity plummets post-food coma.
5. The ‘Personal Concierge’
Forget the humble office tour - these companies assign you a personal concierge to take care of your every need from the moment you accept the job offer.
Need a table at the city’s best restaurant? Done. Want someone to handle your laundry? No problem. Desperate for last-minute theatre tickets? Sorted.
It’s like being a celebrity, but without the paparazzi - just don’t get too used to it, because they’ll probably vanish the moment you make your first typo.
6. The ‘Tech Treasure Trove’
In a display of technological one-upmanship, some firms provide new employees with a suite of top-of-the-line gadgets.
Think the latest smartphone, a sleek tablet, noise-cancelling headphones, and a laptop so powerful it could probably launch a satellite.
Sure, it’s all very impressive, but it does raise the question - are you expected to work for them or help them take over the world?
7. The ‘Customized Star Map’
Some companies, clearly competing for the title of ‘Most Thoughtful Employer Ever’, have started giving employees a star map of the night sky on the date they joined the company.
It’s all very sentimental and meaningful, but let’s be honest - after the initial ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs,’ it’s destined for a dusty corner of your desk.
Unless, of course, you’re an aspiring astronomer, in which case: jackpot!
Need to Recruit Without the Extravagance?
While lavish welcome packages are delightful, not every company needs to break the bank to make a new employee feel appreciated.
At Coburg Banks, we focus on finding the right talent, so they feel welcome the moment they walk through your door (or log into your Zoom call).
If you need help recruiting top-notch candidates without having to plan a trip to Bali or buy out an electronics store, get in touch.
We promise to make your hiring process simple, effective, and hassle-free.
