There are certain things in life we all do without paying full attention.
Like clicking 'I Agree' on terms and conditions that we’ve definitely not read.
Or nodding along during a meeting that should’ve been an email.
Or, in the case of some hapless job seekers, applying for roles they clearly know nothing about.
You’d think that reading the job description would be step one in the application process.
But no, some people have decided that life is far more interesting when you don’t burden yourself with the details.
The result? Chaos. Confusion. And job applications so bafflingly off-target that they make you question if the applicant even knows what planet they’re on.
The ‘Generic Cover Letter’ Gambit
Ah, the classic cover letter. A chance to showcase your skills, your experience, and your complete and utter ignorance of the job you’re applying for.
We’ve seen beauties that go something like this:
"I am thrilled to apply for the role of [Insert Job Title], and I believe my skills in underwater basket weaving make me an excellent candidate for your esteemed company."
The role, of course, was for a Senior Accountant. Because nothing says 'financial acumen' quite like a handcrafted wicker basket.
And then there are those who write with all the enthusiasm of a damp sponge:
"I am confident I am the best person for this position because I am a people person who loves working with people."
Oh good. Because we were planning to hire a sociopath who hates people, but you’ve really turned things around.
The ‘Experience? What Experience?’ Approach
Sometimes, it’s not just the cover letter that gives the game away – it’s the CV.
Take, for example, the applicant who proudly listed their experience as:
"2018-2020: Part-time wizard at Hogwarts."
While we appreciate the enthusiasm, unless you’re applying for a role that involves actual magic, we might have a problem.
And let’s not forget those who confuse ‘experience’ with ‘wishful thinking’:
"Skills: Fluent in Python, Java, and Klingon."
While your proficiency in a fictional language is impressive, it’s not exactly going to help with coding our new software.
The ‘Wildly Inappropriate’ Applications
For some, the concept of industry-specific roles is a mere suggestion.
Like the applicant for a children’s librarian position who boasted:
"I am passionate about horror films and enjoy collecting taxidermy."
Because nothing reassures parents like the prospect of their kids learning the ABCs from someone who keeps a stuffed raccoon in their office.
Or the candidate for a teaching position who proudly listed:
"I have an extensive collection of expletive-filled memes."
While we commend your commitment to modern culture, perhaps save that for a different kind of classroom.
The ‘I Didn’t Read the Location’ Blunder
And, of course, we have the job seekers with a geography problem.
Imagine advertising a role in Birmingham, only to receive an application that begins:
"I am currently based in Sydney, Australia, but can relocate within 48 hours."
While we admire the can-do attitude, last-minute flights and a drastically different time zone might just complicate the 'immediate start' requirement.
Or the applicant for a remote position who cheerily informs us:
"I look forward to working with your team in your lovely office in Hawaii!"
As much as we’d love to relocate, that’s not part of the package - unless, of course, you’re offering?
And Yet…
Despite all these missteps, there’s something almost endearing about the sheer audacity of it all.
Because, at the end of the day, job seekers who don’t read the description are like a box of chocolates – you never know what you’re gonna get.
Need to Recruit Candidates Who Actually Read the Job Description?
If you’re tired of shifting through applications that have all the relevance of a snowplough in the Sahara, we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we put the effort into making sure your job adverts attract candidates who not only read the description but actually have the skills and experience you need.
So, if you’d like a recruitment process that actually makes sense, get in touch.
We promise you won’t have to deal with any part-time wizards.
