Imagine, if you will, the scene: a hopeful job seeker, filled with dreams and ambitions, sits before their computer, ready to craft the perfect CV. A document that will highlight their skills, dazzle employers, and open the doors to a glorious career. But somewhere between their brain and the keyboard, something goes terribly, hilariously wrong.
Suddenly, what should have been a straightforward summary of professional prowess becomes a comedy of errors, a cavalcade of questionable choices, and an inadvertent testament to why spellcheck should never be ignored.
So, in the spirit of laughter and learning, let’s explore some of the most gloriously botched CVs that have ever graced the inboxes of bemused hiring managers.
1. The Unfortunate Typos
Ah, typos. The little gremlins that sneak into your CV and transform your otherwise impressive credentials into something quite different.
My personal favourite? The ambitious soul who, instead of boasting about their "attention to detail," proudly claimed they had "attention to retail."
And let’s not forget the digital marketing guru who accidentally became a "digital farting specialist."
While I’m sure there are niche markets for both of those skills, they probably weren’t what he was aiming for.
2. The Unnecessary Honesty
We all want to be honest in our CVs. But there’s a fine line between honesty and oversharing.
Take, for instance, the candidate who decided to list "proficient in lying to my boss" as a skill.
Or the one who candidly revealed they were "fired for stealing office supplies but learned a valuable lesson."
Honesty is the best policy, but perhaps save those revelations for your personal memoir.
3. The Bizarre Hobbies
It’s always good to show a bit of personality, but some hobbies are best left unmentioned.
Consider the job seeker who claimed their interests included "extreme ironing." Or the one whose sole pastime was "collecting lint."
While I’m sure both activities are thrilling in their own way, they aren’t exactly going to make an employer think,
"Yes, this is the well-rounded individual we need."
4. The Unbelievable Claims
We all know some people embellish a little on their CVs, but there’s a difference between subtle exaggeration and outright fiction.
One applicant claimed to have "single-handedly prevent[ed] the financial crisis."
Another insisted they’d "invented the internet."
While I admire their confidence, I find it hard to believe that such monumental achievements would go unnoticed - especially when you’re applying for a role as a junior sales assistant.
5. The Vague Job Titles
Some candidates try to make their previous roles sound more impressive with creative titles.
Unfortunately, this can backfire spectacularly.
Take the person who described themselves as a "Culinary Logistics Coordinator."
(Translation: they worked in a canteen.)
Or the applicant who proudly called themselves a "Sanitation Aesthetics Specialist."
(Translation: they were a janitor.)
6. The Unusual Formatting Choices
And then there are those who decide to express themselves through unconventional CV formats.
One memorable candidate submitted their CV as a series of haikus.
Another opted for a comic strip, in which they portrayed themselves as a superhero called "The Jobinator."
Creative? Yes.
Effective? Not so much.
7. The Misunderstood Skills
Lastly, we have the job seekers who have truly misunderstood what constitutes a valuable skill.
Like the candidate who listed "can hold my breath for two minutes" as a key competency.
Or the one who proudly claimed, "I am very good at eating."
While I’m sure these skills are useful in the right context, they’re not exactly what most employers are looking for.
Need to Recruit People Who Can Write a Decent CV?
If any of these examples have you wondering whether you’ve been guilty of a CV faux pas, fear not.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in matching employers with candidates who can actually write a CV without creating unintended comedy gold.
So, if you’re ready to hire people who can articulate their skills without claiming to be the saviour of the internet, get in touch.
We promise to help you find professionals who know the difference between "attention to detail" and "attention to retail."
