There are countless reasons why one might need a day off work. An unexpected plumbing disaster, a mysterious illness that only seems to appear on Monday mornings, or perhaps the sudden and overwhelming urge to sit on the sofa and binge-watch the latest crime documentary. You know, the usual.
But not everyone is content with these somewhat pedestrian excuses. No, some employees, bless their creative little hearts, have gone above and beyond to concoct excuses so wildly imaginative that you can’t help but tip your hat to them.
1. The Outlandish Animal Encounter
Let’s start with a classic: the animal excuse. One employee once claimed they couldn’t come in because they were being held hostage by a particularly aggressive swan.
Apparently, this feathered fiend had taken up residence on their doorstep, and every time they tried to leave, the swan would puff up like a feathery bouncer at an exclusive club.
Whether or not this was true, you’ve got to admire the sheer audacity.
2. The 'Unforeseeable' Weather Event
We all know British weather can be unpredictable, but some employees have taken this to new heights.
One memorable excuse involved a freak monsoon occurring in their garden, which, they claimed, made it utterly impossible to leave the house.
Never mind that everyone else in the area was basking in sunshine.
Perhaps they lived in their own personal microclimate, or perhaps they just really fancied a day watching the rain from inside.
3. The Health Emergency That Wasn't
Most people keep it simple with a fever or a cough, but not this particular employee. They called in to say they couldn’t possibly make it to work due to a sudden, debilitating case of ‘exploding head syndrome.’
For the uninitiated, this is a real (if rare) condition where individuals hear loud noises that aren't actually happening, usually during the transition between wakefulness and sleep.
While it sounds terrifying, it’s completely harmless. But you have to admire the creativity in using it as a reason to avoid spreadsheets for a day.
4. The Family Emergency That Defies Logic
Family emergencies are a common excuse, but few have gone as far as claiming they couldn’t come in because their cat was having a nervous breakdown.
Yes, their beloved feline was apparently so emotionally fragile that it required a full day of comforting and reassurance.
One wonders if there was a miniature couch involved and kitty therapy sessions booked for later in the week.
5. The Sudden and Unexpected Heroics
Some employees like to cast themselves as the hero in their own life story.
One individual claimed they couldn’t come to work because they had to rescue a neighbour’s dog that had managed to get itself stuck on the roof.
The logistics of how a dog managed to navigate roof tiles were never fully explained, but there was undoubtedly some high drama and a potential movie deal in the works.
6. The Bizarre Transportation Issues
Transportation is a classic excuse, but why not add a bit of flair?
One employee claimed they couldn't get to work because their car had been commandeered.
By who? Aliens, of course.
Apparently, these extraterrestrial joyriders had taken their vehicle for a spin, leaving them stranded.
While most bosses would raise an eyebrow at this, I like to think it was met with a knowing nod and a shrug. You just can’t argue with Martians.
7. The Unbelievable Technology Fail
In the age of remote working, connectivity issues are a dime a dozen. But then there’s the employee who claimed they couldn't log on to work because their WiFi had developed sentience and refused to cooperate.
According to them, the router had started demanding tribute and negotiating download speeds.
Perhaps it was simply tired of providing endless access to cat videos.
8. The Astronomical Event
Some people look to the stars for guidance, and some use them as an excuse to skip work.
One particularly inventive individual claimed they couldn’t come in because a rare planetary alignment was throwing off their chakras.
Whether they were busy meditating or simply avoiding Monday morning meetings, it’s hard to fault them for being cosmically in tune.
Need to Recruit People Who Actually Show Up?
If these tales of absenteeism have left you wondering how to find employees who can dazzle with both their creativity and their reliability, we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we’re experts at finding candidates who know how to balance a good sense of humour with a solid work ethic.
So, if you need to recruit people who will show up without an alien abduction story in tow, get in touch.
We promise to keep it grounded - and mostly Martian-free.
