There are certain moments in life when you just know you’re about to hear something truly spectacular.
Like when a toddler insists they weren’t the one who drew on the walls, even though they’re holding the crayon and covered in evidence.
Or when a politician promises to do something "for the people"without a hint of irony.
And then there’s the moment you realise a job candidate isn’t going to show up for the interview, and you brace yourself for the excuse of a lifetime.
Because let me tell you, when it comes to dodging an interview, candidates have elevated the art of excuse-making to a level that deserves its own museum.
Forget Picasso and Monet - these masterpieces are crafted with creativity, conviction, and a complete disregard for plausibility.
The ‘Pet Predicament’
Ah, the classic. We might love animals, but apparently, their timing is appalling.
One candidate called to say:
"I can’t make the interview because my cat is stuck in a tree."
Let’s be honest. The cat was probably just sitting on the sofa, judging its owner for not coming up with a better excuse.
And who could forget the applicant who claimed:
"My dog ate my car keys."
What can I say? Canine criminology at its finest.
The ‘Mystical Transit’ Mishaps
Public transport is a notorious scapegoat - but these candidates took it to new heights.
One particularly creative soul insisted:
"I can’t come in because I’m stuck on a train that’s been hijacked by a magician."
Right. Like that’s how it works. We all know it’s only the trains to Hogwarts that get hijacked by magicians.
And then there was the gem who emailed to say:
"The bus driver took a wrong turn and now we’re in a completely different city."
Either that driver needs a new map or this candidate needs a new GPS.
The ‘Family Fiasco’
Family emergencies are a classic excuse - but some took it a tad too far.
One candidate rang in to report:
"My cousin’s hamster had a nervous breakdown, and I’m the only one who can calm it down."
Because, clearly, this is the kind of crisis that can only be resolved by a close relative with a soothing voice.
Another contender for the title of ‘Most Ridiculous Excuse’ proudly declared:
"My aunt’s wedding was moved up a year, so I have to find a tuxedo today."
Imagine planning a wedding on such short notice that even the groom isn’t informed until the day of the interview.
The ‘Bizarre Bodily’ Blunders
Some candidates opted for excuses that left us questioning the very fabric of reality.
One memorable phone call included:
"I can’t make it. I sneezed so hard I dislocated my shoulder."
Which, if nothing else, deserves a round of applause for sheer originality.
And who could forget the email that read:
"I was mixing cement in my garden, and now my shoes are stuck."
It seems they’re now cemented into their current location.
The ‘Nature’s Wrath’ Narrative
Blaming the elements is a tale as old as time, but these candidates took it to biblical proportions.
One complaint read:
"I’m unable to attend because a swarm of bees has taken over my car."
Either this car is particularly sweet, or those bees are making some sort of vehicular protest.
And last, but by no means least, was the voice message that claimed:
"A sudden weather phenomenon has caused my garden to flood, and I’m trapped in my house."
Either they live in a monsoon region, or Mother Nature was having a particularly bad day.
Need Candidates Who Can Actually Make It to the Interview?
If your interviews feel more like veiled auditions for a comedy show, it might be time to rethink your recruitment strategy.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding reliable candidates who not only show up but also thrive in the roles you need to fill.
So, if you need to recruit without the theatrics, get in touch.
We promise to leave the excuses at the door.
