There are countless jobs out there that make you want to leap out of bed in the morning, ready to conquer the world with a sparkle in your eye and a spring in your step. But let's be honest, those jobs are about as common as gluten-free doughnuts at a county fair. No, the reality is that for every dream job, there's a job that would make you want to crawl under your duvet and never come out.
Now, I'm not saying these jobs are bad—someone has to do them, after all. But if you're the kind of person who would rather not spend your days ankle-deep in something unspeakable, or in a constant state of existential crisis, you might want to steer clear of these ten roles.
1. Sewer Inspector
Ah, the glamorous life of a sewer inspector. Wading through the murky depths of the city’s underbelly might sound like a great adventure, but in reality, it’s less Indiana Jones and more “Why does my life smell like a giant toilet?”
Your main companions are rats, questionable liquids, and the eternal question: “What did I do in a past life to deserve this?”
2. Roadkill Collector
Some people collect stamps. Others, unfortunate souls, collect roadkill. Armed with a shovel and a grim sense of duty, roadkill collectors travel the highways and byways, scooping up the dearly departed.
It’s a job that requires a strong stomach and an even stronger air freshener.
3. Crime Scene Cleaner
Imagine your worst cleaning nightmare multiplied by the horror of a true crime documentary. As a crime scene cleaner, you're tasked with scrubbing away the remnants of humanity's less-than-glorious moments.
It’s not just about getting rid of stains; it’s about getting rid of nightmares. And you thought cleaning your teenager’s room was bad.
4. Portable Toilet Cleaner
If you've ever been to a music festival, you know what awaits these brave souls: entire battalions of portable loos, standing proudly in a field like the worst parade you’ve ever seen.
Armed with a hose and a dream, these cleaners face a daily battle against the forces of nature—and the questionable decisions of festival-goers.
5. Odor Tester
Imagine a world where your nose is your greatest asset and your worst enemy. Welcome to the life of an odor tester. Whether it’s testing the effectiveness of deodorants or evaluating the scent of a new fragrance, your nose is on the front lines.
And while some scents might be pleasant, others… well, let’s just say they linger long after you’ve clocked out.
6. Pet Food Taster
It might sound like a joke, but yes, someone has to ensure that Fido’s dinner is fit for canine consumption. As a pet food taster, you'll be sampling gourmet delights like “meat medley” and “ocean fish surprise.”
Your human palate might protest, but your furry friends will be forever grateful.
7. Human Scarecrow
Love the great outdoors? Enjoy standing motionless for hours on end? Then being a human scarecrow might just be your calling. Armed with nothing more than a loud voice and a bright outfit, you’ll keep the crows at bay.
On the plus side, you’ll have plenty of time to ponder the mysteries of the universe—or just catch up on your podcast backlog.
8. Virtual Reality Tester
At first glance, it sounds like a dream job. Who wouldn’t want to spend their day immersed in a virtual world? But the reality is, perpetual motion sickness and an aversion to reality can soon set in.
After all, there are only so many times you can fight virtual dragons before you start questioning your life choices.
9. Golf Ball Diver
Imagine diving into murky water, blindly groping around for lost golf balls. Now imagine doing that every day. As a golf ball diver, you’ll retrieve hundreds of balls from the depths, all while avoiding the ire of territorial geese and the odd snapping turtle.
On the upside, you’ll never have to buy golf balls again.
10. Telemarketer
And finally, we have the role that everyone loves to hate: the telemarketer. You’ll spend your days cheerfully trying to sell people things they don’t need, all while being hung up on, shouted at, and occasionally questioned about your life choices.
If you’ve got the patience of a saint and the skin of a rhino, this might just be the job for you.
Need to Recruit for Less Ridiculous Roles?
If this list has left you more convinced than ever that you need a career change—or if you're in the business of hiring and want to avoid job descriptions that make people laugh, cry, or run for the hills—then Coburg Banks can help.
We specialize in connecting businesses with candidates for roles that people actually want to do. So, if you're looking to recruit without the drama, get in touch.
We promise not to recommend a sewer inspector. Unless, of course, you really need one.
