Ah, the corporate world—a place where everything sounds important, even if it's essentially meaningless. Where jargon reigns supreme, and buzzwords buzz so loudly they could be mistaken for a swarm of particularly enthusiastic bees.
From the moment you step into the office, you're bombarded with lingo that's less about communicating and more about making you sound like you’re auditioning for a role in the next season of “The Office.”
But have no fear! As your resident translator from ‘corporate speak’ to ‘plain English,’ I’m here to shed light on the most ridiculous buzzwords currently circulating. Buzzwords so bizarre that they need to be retired faster than you can say “low-hanging fruit.”
1. Synergy
Ah, synergy—the word that tries so hard to sound like it’s not just a fancy way of saying “working together.” Heard in sentences like:
“We need to leverage our cross-functional synergy to maximize efficiency.”
Translation: Can we just talk to each other instead of pretending we’re on the verge of discovering the unified theory of everything?
2. Low-Hanging Fruit
A phrase that makes you feel like you should be wandering around an orchard, this one is used to describe easy tasks that are ripe for the picking.
But in reality, it’s often code for:
“Do the easy stuff first because nobody can be bothered with the hard stuff.”
How about we just say “quick wins” and call it a day?
3. Circle Back
“Let’s circle back on this later” is the office equivalent of saying you’ll keep in touch with someone after a bad first date.
It’s a roundabout way of saying:
“I have no intention of ever discussing this again, but it makes me sound considerate.”
Cut the nonsense. How about “revisit” or—better yet—just admit you’re not interested?
4. Touch Base
When did we all become baseball players?
“Touch base” is the phrase used to suggest a brief meeting or chat, but it’s often a preface to an endless conversation that somehow manages to achieve absolutely nothing.
Can we just say “catch up” and end the madness?
5. Paradigm Shift
The phrase that makes you feel like you’re about to witness a groundbreaking scientific discovery, when in reality, it usually means:
“We’re changing something that should have been changed years ago.”
Why not just say “new approach” and save everyone the eye-roll?
6. Bandwidth
Once reserved for discussing internet speeds, this term has infiltrated office conversations everywhere.
However, when someone says:
“I don’t have the bandwidth,”
it often means:
“I can’t be bothered to do this right now.”
Can we go back to saying “I’m too busy” instead?
7. Game-Changer
Once upon a time, game-changers were truly revolutionary ideas. Now, the term is used for everything from a new brand of coffee in the staff room to a slightly improved Excel spreadsheet.
Let’s reserve this one for things that actually, you know, change the game.
8. Elevator Pitch
In a world where attention spans are shrinking faster than a cheap wool sweater, we’re often asked for our “elevator pitch.”
Originally meant to convey a brief, persuasive speech, it’s now the term for any instance where you have thirty seconds to impress a room full of people who’d rather be anywhere else.
Can’t we just call it an “intro” and be done with it?
9. Blue Sky Thinking
Here's one that makes you feel like you should be lying on a grassy hill, staring at the clouds, waiting for inspiration to strike.
It means thinking creatively, but often gets used as:
“We have no idea what we’re doing, so let’s throw ideas around and see what sticks.”
How about “brainstorming” instead?
10. Leverage
In the business world, we’re forever leveraging things—resources, relationships, lunch vouchers—if it stands still long enough, we’ll leverage it.
Translation:
“Use it to our advantage.”
So why not just say “use” and keep things simple?
Ready to Ditch the Jargon?
If your team is drowning in buzzwords and you’re desperate for clarity, maybe it’s time to recruit a fresh perspective.
At Coburg Banks, we find candidates who can communicate without turning into a walking thesaurus.
So if you’re tired of the noise and want to hire people who speak human, get in touch.
We promise no buzzwords, just results.
