There are certain things in life that sound like they’ve been pulled straight from a parallel universe where logic is but a distant memory.
Like pineapple on pizza.
Or dog yoga. Or the fact that people actually pay to sit in a salt cave and breathe in what is essentially fancy air.
But perhaps one of the most bewildering phenomena of all is the world of employee incentives.
Now, we all know that keeping employees happy and motivated is important. Pay rises, bonuses, and the occasional free lunch are all well and good.
But sometimes, companies decide to take it to a level of absurdity that makes you wonder if they’re trying to be quirky… or if they’ve just lost their marbles entirely.
So, in the spirit of disbelief and mild amusement, here are some of the most mind-boggling employee incentives that somehow exist.
The ‘Nap Pods’
Ah yes, nap pods. Because apparently, we’ve reached a point where adults need to be put down for a nap in order to function.
Companies like Google have embraced the idea of nap pods, where employees can take a quick power nap and wake up refreshed and ready to tackle the next item on the agenda.
Because there’s nothing like being paid to sleep, while the rest of us poor souls are trying to stay awake during a meeting with the help of industrial-strength coffee.
Sure, it sounds like a dream come true. But let’s be honest, there’s something slightly dystopian about being encouraged to sleep at work because the rest of your life is too chaotic to catch some zzz’s.
The ‘Unlimited Vacation’ (That You’ll Never Take)
Ah, unlimited vacation. It sounds glorious, doesn’t it? The promise of endless holidays, where you can jet off to exotic locations whenever you please.
Except, there’s a small catch.
You see, in reality, unlimited vacation often means employees end up taking less time off, because no one wants to be the one who takes advantage of it and gets side-eyed by the entire office.
So, while it sounds like an enticing perk, unlimited vacation is often just a clever ploy to make you work harder without feeling guilty about it.
The ‘Bring Your Pet to Work’ Day
Who doesn’t love the idea of sitting through a board meeting with a Labrador under the table? Or trying to concentrate on a spreadsheet while a parrot squawks incessantly in the background?
As adorable as this incentive sounds, it’s not for the faint-hearted.
Because while some pets are well-behaved angels, others are chaos in fur form. And trust me, nothing derails productivity quite like a Great Dane with a penchant for destroying office furniture.
But hey, if your company is willing to risk it, then by all means, bring on the cats, dogs, and exotic reptiles.
The ‘Mandatory Fun’ Days
Ah, the irony of mandatory fun. Because nothing screams “good times” like being forced to participate in team-building exercises that you’d rather avoid at all costs.
From trust falls to role-playing activities, these days are designed to build camaraderie and foster team spirit.
But let’s be real - most of us would rather be at our desks, quietly getting on with our work and avoiding eye contact with the office clown.
And let’s not forget the classic pub quiz night, where everyone is expected to show up and pretend they’re thrilled to be there, even though they’d rather be at home binge-watching their favourite series.
The ‘In-House Therapist’
Some companies have taken it upon themselves to offer in-house therapy sessions to help employees manage stress and anxiety.
While the intent is certainly commendable, there’s something a bit unsettling about the idea of sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with someone who’s employed by your boss.
Plus, imagine trying to explain to your therapist why you're stressed when you know full well that it’s the job that’s causing it in the first place.
Still, if you’re brave enough to bare your soul in the break room, then, by all means, take advantage of this peculiar perk.
The ‘Quirky Office Design’
In an attempt to create a fun and inspiring workspace, some companies have opted for quirky office designs that resemble theme parks more than actual offices.
From slides instead of stairs to tree houses for meetings, these inventive designs are meant to spark creativity and boost morale.
But while it may look cool, there’s always the risk that you’ll end up with a twisted ankle from a botched slide landing or spend more time navigating the office than actually working.
Time to Rethink Your Employee Incentives?
If reading about these absurd incentives has made you question your own company’s approach, it might be time for a change.
At Coburg Banks, we can help you recruit top talent and create a working environment that’s both enjoyable and productive - without resorting to nap pods or mandatory fun.
If you’re ready to recruit employees who value genuine perks and meaningful incentives, get in touch.
We promise to keep things sensible… most of the time.
