There are few things in life more awkward than following up on a job application, except, perhaps, being caught dancing alone to ABBA in your living room by your neighbour, or the eternal shame of forgetting someone’s name the fifth time you meet them.
But the follow-up email - ah, that's a special kind of cringe, reserved for those moments when anxiety meets desperation in a perfect storm of social ineptitude.
In theory, following up on a job application is a perfectly sensible idea. You’re showing initiative, enthusiasm, and that you haven’t been swallowed by the abyss of Netflix and ice cream since hitting ‘send’.
In practice, however, it’s an opportunity for things to go catastrophically wrong, and for you to leave the kind of impression that has hiring managers cringing into their lattes.
So, let’s raise a glass to those brave souls who forged ahead and sent follow-up emails that were so spectacularly wrong, they deserve a place in the Job Seeker’s Hall of Fame.
1. The Email That Was Basically a Begging Letter
Our first entry comes from the tragically desperate genre.
“Hi [Hiring Manager], I haven’t heard back from you yet, so I just wanted to remind you how much I need this job. I’m not saying I’ll lose my house if I don’t get it, but I might have to sell a kidney. Haha, just kidding! (But not really.)"
Ah yes, nothing screams ‘hire me’ quite like the thinly veiled threat of organ trafficking.
2. The ‘Did You Get My Email?’ Follow-Up
This classic comes from those who believe, deeply and truly, that the first email must have mysteriously vanished into the digital void.
“Hi [Hiring Manager], I’m just following up to see if you received my last email? Would love to hear your feedback!”
There’s a certain desperate optimism here, like sending a second carrier pigeon in case the first one got lost in the wind.
And when it’s followed up again - and again - it’s not so much a follow-up as it is a relentless assault on the inbox.
3. The One That Overshares
In an effort to stand out, some candidates decide to take a more personal approach.
“Hi [Hiring Manager], I wanted to check in on my application. I was so excited about this position that I couldn’t sleep! My cat, Mr. Whiskers, can’t wait for me to get this job either. He’s been listening to me practice my interview answers. Looking forward to hearing from you!”
Oh dear. When did this become a confessional blog post?
While enthusiasm is admirable, maybe leave Mr. Whiskers out of it next time.
4. The Passive-Aggressive Nudge
Ah, the delicate art of the passive-aggressive follow-up. Somewhere between polite inquiry and thinly veiled frustration:
“Hello [Hiring Manager], I applied three weeks ago and haven’t heard anything yet. I assume this means you’re inundated with applications, but it would be great to be acknowledged. Just saying.”
Translation: I’m very annoyed and you should feel bad.
Pro tip: guilt trips generally don’t lead to gainful employment.
5. The ‘Corrections’ Follow-Up
This is for when you realise, after hitting send, that your cover letter could have been written better by a slightly inebriated squirrel.
“Hi [Hiring Manager], after sending my application, I noticed a couple of minor mistakes that I’d like to correct. Please find attached a totally revised resume and cover letter.”
And here it is, folks - the second application. Now with 20% less desperation, but 100% more confusion.
6. The One That Tries Too Hard
Sometimes, candidates think it’s best to go all out with their personality:
“Hey [Hiring Manager], hope you’re having a fantastic day! I’m just popping by to say I’m still super-duper excited about the position. I know I’m perfect for it, and I’m not just saying that because I’m biased!”
Well, if enthusiasm could be bottled, we’d all be millionaires.
But alas, this much gusto can be a touch overwhelming.
7. The Direct Approach
For those who believe subtlety is overrated:
“Hi [Hiring Manager], you haven’t responded to my application. Are you planning to interview me or not?”
Direct, yes. Effective? Not so much.
A follow-up email shouldn’t feel like an interrogation.
8. The ‘International Mystery’ Follow-Up
And then there’s the mystery email that comes from nowhere and lands like a cryptic riddle in your inbox:
“I have applied for the position. Please respond.”
Who? What? Where? Why?
A little context goes a long way, my friend.
Need to Recruit Without the Cringe?
If you’re tired of sifting through cringeworthy follow-ups and desperate pleas, perhaps it’s time to streamline your recruitment process.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding the right candidates, ensuring you only deal with professionals who know how to communicate without making you cringe.
So, if you need to recruit without the drama, get in touch.
We promise we won’t send a follow-up. Probably.
