There comes a time in everyone's life when the thrill of a new job is swiftly replaced by the terrifying reality of actually showing up for your first day.
It should be a day filled with eager anticipation, starting modestly with the joy of meeting new faces and ending with the satisfying clink of a coffee mug in appreciation of a job well begun.
However, for some unfortunate souls, their first day at work resembles less of a well-choreographed confidence booster and more of a chaotic trial by fire.
So, while you sit comfortably at your desk, perhaps preparing for a weekend of blissful non-work activities, spare a thought for the brave individuals who have stumbled into the annals of first-day horror stories.
The Classic ‘Wrong Office’ Fiasco
Let’s start with a classic.
For most people, this would involve arriving at the wrong office, realising their mistake, and quietly slipping out while praying no one noticed.
But for one particular lad, this meant confidently strolling into a completely different department, introducing himself to everyone, and attending half a day of meetings before someone had the heart to tell him he was, in fact, in the wrong building.
He spent the entire morning assembling IKEA furniture for the IT department, who were none the wiser and just assumed he was an eager, if slightly over-enthusiastic, intern.
The ‘First Impressions’ Debacle
Now picture this: you’ve been hired for your dream job.
Your alarm goes off bright and early, you put on your best outfit, and you’re ready to show the world what you’re made of.
Except… fate has other plans.
One unfortunate soul found themselves stuck in a lift for three hours on their first day, only to be rescued by an engineer and the entire fire brigade - just in time to join the office for a late lunch.
Apparently, there’s nothing like arriving at work in the middle of a dramatic rescue operation to really bring a team closer together.
The ‘Tech Troubles’ Trauma
We’ve all had those days where technology seems to have a personal vendetta against us.
But one poor soul experienced this to the extreme.
On his first day, his computer decided to go rogue, sending out an email titled ‘URGENT: READ NOW’ to the entire company.
The email read: “Hello World!” followed by a series of random numbers and letters - a message from the depths of cyberspace.
He spent the rest of the day apologising to a bewildered office and avoiding eye contact with IT.
The ‘Dress Code’ Dilemma
If there’s one thing that can make or break your first day, it’s the dress code.
Too casual, and you feel like a college student who’s wandered into the wrong lecture hall.
Too formal, and you look like you’ve just come from a wedding.
But spare a thought for the man who was told his first day would be a fancy-dress charity event.
He arrived in full pirate regalia, complete with an eye patch, only to find out that the event had been postponed… to the following week.
He spent the day awkwardly explaining to every person he met why he was dressed like Captain Jack Sparrow.
The ‘Lost in Translation’ Trouble
Language barriers can make any first day challenging, but for one poor employee, it was a recipe for disaster.
In an attempt to introduce himself in what he thought was the local language, he inadvertently declared that he had a penchant for collecting rare, exotic toasters.
Needless to say, it took a while for the new team to take him seriously.
On the plus side, he received a lot of kitchen appliances as Welcome Gifts.
The ‘Unexpected Task’ Test
We all expect a little challenge on our first day, but one new hire was thrown into the deep end quite literally.
Upon arrival, he was informed that a team-building exercise involving white-water rafting had been planned.
He had never rafted before, nor was he told to bring a change of clothes.
By the end of the day, he was soaked to the skin, exhausted, and suddenly very familiar with all his new colleagues in a way that only fear and adrenaline can achieve.
Want to Avoid a Nightmare First Day for Your New Hires?
If this stroll through first day nightmares has made you wonder whether your onboarding process could use a little smoothing out, it might be time for a chat.
At Coburg Banks, we don’t just recruit. We ensure that your new hires start on the right foot - without the chaos, confusion, or unexpected costume changes.
If you want to make sure your new employees’ first days are memorable for all the right reasons, get in touch.
We can’t promise there won’t be any accidental announcements, but we can promise a smoother onboarding process that doesn’t involve pirates.
