We've all been there, staring at the inbox filled with applications that make you wonder if perhaps the job posting was accidentally written in Klingon.
You specify you're looking for a data analyst, and suddenly, you're bombarded with applications from people who think Excel is a new type of dental floss.
It's as if some candidates see a job title and think, "Why let the details spoil my big break?"
And that, dear reader, is how you end up with applications where you question the very fabric of reality and wonder if parallel universes are real.
The "What's in a Name"Approach
Let's start with the brave souls who apply based solely on the job title.
In one memorable instance, a company posted a vacancy for a Project Manager. Among the flood of applications came one from an individual who boldly declared:
"I have managed many personal projects, like planning my wedding and organising my garage."
Ah yes, because nothing says "corporate leadership"quite like a well-arranged assortment of screwdrivers.
Another candidate applied for a Cloud Engineer role, waxing lyrical about their love for weather patterns and their ability to predict rain.
Not quite the cloud expertise we were after, but points for creativity.
The "Skills Optional"Gambit
Then there are the candidates who believe that requirements are more of a suggestion rather than a necessity.
Consider the ad that sought a senior software developer with proficiency in Python. Instead, a hopeful barista applied, citing:
"I once programmed my coffee machine to make espresso at 6 am."
Ingenious? Perhaps. Relevant? Not in the slightest.
And then there was the candidate who applied for a marketing role with the skill set of "extreme couponing"and "posting funny memes on social media."
Yes, while Jonathan from accounting might appreciate a good meme, it's not exactly the cornerstone of a global marketing strategy.
The "Close Enough"Philosophy
Ah, and let us not forget those who decide that related fields are essentially the same.
Take the candidate who applied for a HR manager position with experience solely in horticulture, confidently asserting:
"I've been managing plants and they haven’t complained once!"
Indeed, zero HR issues among the ferns and philodendrons.
Or the individual who applied for a financial analyst role, claiming:
"I have managed my own finances since I was 18."
While impressive, balancing a chequebook doesn't quite equate to managing multimillion-dollar portfolios.
The "Shot in the Dark"Strategy
Some people apply to everything on the off chance that the universe will somehow align in their favour.
The job listing for an executive assistant received an application from someone whose cover letter simply read:
"Honestly, I just need a job."
Points for honesty, but perhaps not quite what we were looking for in terms of relevant experience.
And who could forget the application for a structural engineer role from someone who said:
"I’ve always wanted to work in a structure."
Yes, well, don't we all.
Need Help Sorting Through the Chaos?
If reading this has made you realise that you're not alone in your recruitment woes, worry not.
At Coburg Banks, we're experts in finding candidates who not only read the job description but actually understand it.
So, if you need to recruit and want to avoid the chaos of misplaced applications, get in touch.
We promise to find you candidates who know the difference between a cloud engineer and a weather enthusiast.
