Last week we wrote a blog about the seven most annoying interview questions, candidates get asked time and time again.
But it’s not just recruiters who say the silliest things.
Candidates are just as guilty of shocking and perplexing us. So every few months, we collect some of the funniest things we (and other recruiters across the UK) have heard. Enjoy…
(Don’t worry, next week, we’ll be back onto recruiters…)
Liar, liar, pants on fire
In stressful interview situations, you can’t really blame an interviewee for telling a couple of white lies to big themselves up a little bit.
But some candidates go above and beyond and lie about some really (really) strange things…
1. “I have six cats.” (Lie).
2. “I’m related to Barack Obama.” (Lie).
3. “I got sacked because I slept with my boss’s wife.” (Lie).
4. “I’m half French.” (Lie).
5. “Oh ye, I know Dave (the company's Managing Director) really well.” (Lie).
6. “I played a Dementor in Harry Potter.” (Lie).
Why bother? When the interviewer finds out, you’re going to look SO weird.
Then there are those lies that are quite clearly not true…
7. “I didn’t actually take drugs; I was forced to hot box in a car last weekend.”
8. “I got into a car accident.” (They sent a picture of a smashed BMW when they actually owned a van. You must have seen the article on LinkedIn!)
9. “I got paid £51K at my last place” (an entry level role).
10. “I’m faster than Usain Bolt, I just don’t like the idea of being famous.”
11. “Pokémon was my idea.”
Horrendously honest
The following (genuine) quotes prove that honesty is not always the best policy…
12. “Could I pop to the loo? I’ve got a bit of a dicky tummy.”
13. “I’m not going to lie, I just don’t like men.”
14. “I’m not great with people.” (Someone applying for a customer service role).
15. “I’m not sure the company is right for me. I don’t really like banter.”
16. “I once stole a pig, but it was only a really small one.”
17. “I’m going to have to turn you down, because the salary is too high.”
18. “Sack off the interview, how about dinner instead?”
19. "I like to date the young ones, is that bad?”
20. “I’m sorry, I’m still a little p*ssed from yesterday.”
21. “I wee, when I find something really funny.” (In response to: “what’s your biggest weakness?”)
Offering up information like this is definitely a little bit risky!
Excuses, excuses
We’re used to hearing about last minute job offers, car crashes and sudden deaths in the family (yes, people genuinely lie about this one). So at least some of these are original…
22. “I can’t make the interview; I’ve got to help my daughter kill her horse.”
23. “I’m so sorry I’m late, my mum forgot to wake me up this morning.”
24. “Sorry I’m late. I had to help an old lady cross the road.”
25. “I can’t make the interview, there’s a badger in my house.”
26. “I’m stuck in a lift.”
27. “My goldfish is ill.”
28. “I dyed my hair last night and it has gone bright pink.”
29. “Erm, I’m really sorry but I’m currently handcuffed to my bed…”
Would you reschedule the interview for any of these people?
Creative coercion
Just a heads up: it’s definitely not a great idea to guilt-trip, bribe or blackmail your interviewer…
30. “If you hire me, I’ll change my second name to {Company Name}”
31. “I got a tattoo of your logo this morning so you’ll have to hire me.”
32. “Look, I’ll pay you £100, if you hire me right now.”
33. “My partner works for Cadbury’s, so you’ll get LOADs of free chocolate…”
34. “I have a plan that will make you millions, but I can’t tell you what it is until you hire me.”
They wouldn’t be able to accept your offer, even if they wanted to.
Weird and wonderful
Looking to hire someone a bit “kooky?” Be careful what you wish for…
35. “Bad things tend to happen to people who know me.”
36. “Did you find out who your cousin’s baby’s father was?” (Facebook stalker!?)
37. “I just took this interview so I could be introduced to you.”
38. “I know where you live *chuckles.* No really though.”
39. “Are you sleeping with Jack?” (Turns out it was the Director’s ex-wife).
40. “Do you have anything I can snack on? I’m starving.”
41. “I have a ghost.”
42. “I like trying new things; I ate dog while I was travelling.”
43. “My hobbies? Honestly, they’re probably a bit too X-rated for a job interview.”
44. “Fate has brought us together.”
And fate will tear us apart, again.
Smarty-pants
It’s ok to be confident, but these candidates definitely took the biscuit…
45. Q: “What’s your greatest weakness?”
A: “Answering silly interview questions.”
46. Q: “What’s your greatest weakness?”
A: “Beautiful women, like you.”
47. Q: “Why do want to work for {Steak Restaurant}?”
A: “I’m great with animals…”
48. Q: “Where do you see yourself in five years?”
A: “On my own private island, sipping Sangria with my wife Claudia Schiffer.”
49. Q: “Why should we hire you?”
A: “Why do you think you should hire me?”
50. Q: “What’s your greatest weakness?”
A: “Weak people make me sick.”
Wow. Some people astonish me.
Don’t shoot the messenger.
Ok, before you start giving me a hard time for “ridiculing” job candidates, would it help if I told you that a few of the above are actually things myself and some of the team at Coburg Banks have said?
Yes that’s right, we were all job-seekers too at one point and we have all made mistakes!
If you’d like to read more be sure to check out these great articles…
- 5 Hilarious Lies Job Seekers Told Employers
- Funny Interviews: Meet the Dumbest Job Applicants
- Interview Answers: Interviewees Say the Darndest Things
- The 50 Funniest Things People Have Said In Interviews [2016]
- The 30 Most Absurd Interview Answers Ever Given [2015]
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Happy Friday!
