There are moments in recruitment that make you question the nature of reality itself. You start to wonder if you’ve stepped into an alternate dimension where common sense is as elusive as a reliable train service on a Monday morning.
Take, for example, the phenomenon of the candidate whose references are infinitely more entertaining than their CV. It’s like showing up to a Hollywood blockbuster, only to find out the trailer was the best part.
In the world of job applications, the CV is the main event. It’s the Michelin-starred meal, the centrepiece of the whole experience. And the references? Just a garnish, a delightful little side dish that’s supposed to corroborate the story you’ve been sold.
But every so often, like a rare solar eclipse or a sighting of Bigfoot, you stumble across references that are so brilliantly bonkers, they overshadow everything else.
The Surprise Stand-Up Routine
We once had a candidate who was the very definition of average on paper. A solid, dependable history of steady jobs. A CV so ordinary, it was almost comforting in its predictability.
But then came the references.
The first referee was a former manager who, unbeknownst to us, moonlighted as a stand-up comedian. He proceeded to deliver a reference that was less of a professional endorsement and more of a comedy roast.
"If punctuality were a crime, this candidate would have an alibi every single day. But when they do show up, they work harder than a squirrel on espresso."
We didn’t know whether to laugh or hire them just for the entertainment value.
The Unintentional Poet
Then there was the candidate whose reference came in the form of an unexpected poetry recital.
It was a beautiful piece, full of rich, descriptive language and soaring metaphors. Unfortunately, it offered absolutely no insight into the candidate’s professional skills or employability.
"Their mind is a river, flowing with ideas, but sometimes it floods and drowns the village of deadlines."
While it was undeniably poetic, we were left wondering if the candidate was a creative genius or just someone who spent too much time daydreaming.
The Family Affair
In a particularly memorable instance, a candidate submitted a reference that was so personal, it felt like an episode of a reality TV show.
The referee, a distant cousin, started their reference by saying:
"They’re not just my cousin; they’re like a sibling. We’ve shared bunk beds and bedtime stories. But as far as work is concerned, they’re as dependable as grandma’s secret lasagna recipe."
It was heartwarming, sure, but we were left with more questions than answers.
The Hyperbole Hero
And who could forget the candidate whose reference was so laden with hyperbole, it felt like we were reading a Marvel comic book?
According to the referee:
"This candidate could juggle flaming swords while solving complex algorithms in their sleep. Honestly, they’re wasted in any role that doesn’t involve superpowers."
While it was tempting to believe we’d stumbled upon the next Einstein, we couldn’t help but suspect a touch of exaggeration.
The Silent Film Advocate
But perhaps the most baffling of all was the reference that said absolutely nothing. Instead of words, the referee submitted a link to a silent film they’d made, supposedly capturing the essence of the candidate’s work ethic.
It was… avant-garde, to say the least. But watching five minutes of interpretive dance set to piano music didn’t quite reassure us about the candidate’s Excel skills.
What’s the Moral of This Absurd Story?
While these references were undeniably entertaining, they underscored a simple truth: there’s more to recruitment than just ticking boxes.
At Coburg Banks, we understand that finding the right candidate means looking beyond the CV and those slightly unhinged references. We dig deeper to find out what really makes a candidate tick—without the need for interpretive dance or poetry recitals.
Need Help Finding Candidates Who Are the Full Package?
If you’re ready to sift through the smoke and mirrors and find genuine talent, we’re here to help. At Coburg Banks, we specialise in connecting businesses with candidates who are the real deal.
So, if you’re tired of wading through CVs and references that seem more suited to a variety show, get in touch. We promise to bring a touch of sanity—and maybe just a hint of humour—to your recruitment process.
