Ah, the first day at a new job. The day you try to make a great first impression, show off your qualifications, and not embarrass yourself within the first five minutes.
Simple, right? Well, in reality, it’s a bit like trying to juggle flaming swords while riding a unicycle: tricky, nerve-wracking, and inevitably ending in disaster for some.
Because, let’s face it, no matter how prepared you think you are, the universe has a habit of throwing a spanner in the works - and sometimes, that spanner is the size of a small car.
So, in honour of those brave souls who have survived the horrors of a truly terrible first day, here are some of the worst first days at work ever recorded.
The Coffee Catastrophe
Imagine this: You’ve just arrived at your new job, and you’re trying to impress everyone with your punctuality, professionalism, and poise.
Then, you’re handed a simple task - make a round of coffees for the team.
Seems easy enough, right?
Well, not if you’re like poor Jessica, who managed to spill boiling coffee all over her manager’s desk, chair, and one very expensive laptop.
In a desperate attempt to clean it up, she grabbed the nearest set of papers to mop up the mess - which turned out to be the manager’s only copy of a confidential client contract.
Needless to say, she didn’t hang around for long.
The Elevator of Doom
We all know that first impressions are everything, so imagine you finally arrive at your office, only to get stuck in the elevator for three hours with a group of strangers.
This is exactly what happened to Kevin, who spent his entire first morning trapped in a lift with a delivery guy, a temp, and a crying intern named Steve.
By the time the maintenance team rescued them, Kevin had already missed his induction, his lunch break, and his only chance to learn the location of the nearest bathroom.
On the plus side, he did make some lifelong friends in that elevator.
The Dress Code Debacle
There’s nothing worse than misjudging the dress code on your first day - except perhaps if your new job specifically requires you to wear a uniform.
Unfortunately, no one told Emily that, and she turned up to her first day at a law firm dressed as Wonder Woman.
She spent the morning desperately trying to fashion a formal outfit from a bright red cape, some gold bracelets, and a pair of very tight blue shorts.
Her colleagues were impressed by her commitment to the role, but HR were less enthusiastic.
The Email Faux Pas
First-day nerves are understandable, but they’re also the cause of some truly terrible decisions.
Take Greg, for example, who was tasked with sending a simple introductory email to the entire company.
Instead, he accidentally forwarded a personal email to everyone, detailing his weekend antics in glorious, cringe-inducing detail.
Highlights included a drunken karaoke session, an unfortunate encounter with a kebab, and a rather unflattering photo of Greg attempting to do the worm.
On the plus side, he did become famous overnight - as the guy who can’t hold his tequila.
The Meeting Mishap
Attending your first meeting is an important rite of passage - a chance to show your new colleagues that you’re competent, confident, and not at all prone to making terrible mistakes.
Unfortunately, Sarah missed the memo and spent her first meeting accidentally locked in the conference room bathroom.
After several desperate attempts to break free, she eventually had to be rescued by the janitor, who helpfully pointed out that the door wasn’t actually locked - just a bit stiff.
Needless to say, Sarah was not thrilled to learn that her colleagues had heard the entire ordeal.
The Laptop Lunacy
Few things are as anxiety-inducing as using a new company laptop for the first time - especially when you’ve discovered it’s riddled with questionable downloads left by your predecessor.
This was the unfortunate fate that befell Tom, who was greeted by a screensaver of a dancing cat in a tutu and a desktop full of cryptically named files like “TotallyNotIllegal_Movies” and “SpamFilter?WhatSpamFilter.”
After accidentally opening one too many mysterious files, Tom’s laptop crashed spectacularly, taking the entire office network down with it.
He spent the rest of the day avoiding eye contact with IT.
The Lunchroom Letdown
Ah, the lunch break - a chance to unwind, grab a bite to eat, and maybe even make a new friend.
That is, unless you’re like Lucy, who mistakenly ate her boss’s lunch on her first day.
To make matters worse, she only realised her error when her boss stormed into the break room, demanding to know who’d stolen her “grandma’s special lasagna.”
Lucy spent the rest of the day hiding in her cubicle, hoping her boss would forget her face by morning.
Need to Recruit People Who Can Handle a Disaster?
We can’t promise that every new hire will have a perfect first day, but we can guarantee that Coburg Banks will help you find the right candidates who can handle anything life throws at them.
If you’re looking for someone who can keep their cool under pressure - and maybe even laugh off a disaster or two - get in touch.
At Coburg Banks, we know that the best employees aren’t perfect - they’re resilient, adaptable, and always ready to learn from their mistakes.
