There are a few universal truths in life that we can all agree on:
Monday mornings are the worst.
Tea is the elixir of life.
And, no matter how much you love your job, some days you just can’t be bothered to show up.
But while most of us settle for the classics - a headache, a stomach bug, or the strategically vague ‘personal reasons’ - there are some employees out there who have taken the art of calling in sick to a whole new level.
These are the people who dare to dream, who push the boundaries of believability, and who have no fear of sounding completely and utterly ridiculous.
So, in honour of the creative geniuses who have elevated the humble sick day excuse to a form of high art, here are some of the weirdest reasons people have ever given for not showing up to work.
The Animal Antics
First up, we have the animal-related excuses, which seem to be particularly popular among those who own pets, or at least have a vivid imagination.
One employee claimed:
"I can’t come to work because my cat has a sore throat."
Which raises several questions, not least of which is how on earth they diagnosed their feline friend with this particular ailment.
Then there’s the classic:
"I can’t come in because my dog ate my car keys."
Whether or not this actually happened, you have to admire the level of creativity - and the implicit promise of a hilarious veterinary bill.
The Household Horrors
Our homes are full of potential disasters, and some employees seem determined to exploit that fact.
One memorable excuse involved:
"I’m stuck in my house because the door handle broke."
Which seems vaguely plausible until you remember that windows exist.
And let’s not forget the time someone called in saying:
"I can’t make it to work today because I accidentally dyed my hair green."
Which, frankly, sounds like a far more interesting story than anything that would have happened at the office that day.
The Unbelievably Bizarre
Some excuses, however, are so outlandish that you have to wonder if the person really thought it through before picking up the phone.
Consider the employee who called in with:
"I can’t come to work because my psychic told me not to leave the house."
It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic, isn’t it?
Or the one who claimed:
"I’m not coming in today because I accidentally got on the wrong plane."
Which sounds like something that should only happen in a sitcom - or a very expensive prank.
The Weather Woes
Weather is a classic excuse, but some people go the extra mile to make it truly spectacular.
One employee bravely declared:
"I can’t come in today because it’s too nice outside."
Which, while honest, is unlikely to win any Employee of the Month awards.
And then there was the individual who solemnly informed their boss:
"I can’t make it to work because I’m stuck in a time loop caused by a solar eclipse."
Which is either a groundbreaking scientific discovery or the plot of a particularly weird science fiction film.
The Family Fables
Finally, we have the family-related excuses - because who hasn’t blamed their granny for a day off?
One employee claimed:
"My grandmother poisoned me with her cooking."
Which is both a reason to call in sick and perhaps a reason to rethink Sunday lunch.
Another went with:
"My parents are visiting from Australia, and I forgot to tell them I have a job."
Which, while difficult to justify, is at least a story you won’t soon forget.
Need to Recruit People Who Actually Want to Show Up?
If the thought of dealing with these excuses makes you want to hide under your desk, we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding dedicated, reliable employees who understand that showing up is half the battle.
So, if you’re tired of creative excuses and need a team that actually wants to work, get in touch.
We’ll find you the people who don’t just turn up, but who actually turn up on time - without claiming they’ve been cursed by their neighbor’s cat.
