Ah, the job description. A piece of literature so finely crafted, so carefully worded, that it should be displayed in the Louvre next to the Mona Lisa. Except, instead of a mysterious smile, you’re left with a baffled expression and a feeling that you’ve just read a foreign language.
Much like trying to decipher the lyrics of a Bob Dylan song, job descriptions often contain phrases that seem to say one thing but actually mean something entirely different. It's a code, a secret language that only those in the recruitment world truly understand.
So, allow me to be your Rosetta Stone as we decode some of the most irksome phrases you'll find in job descriptions and reveal what they really mean.
“Fast-paced environment”
This is a classic. At first glance, it sounds like a thrilling workplace where things are always happening, and you can barely catch your breath. But in reality?
Translation: We are severely understaffed, and you’ll be doing the work of three people. Expect chaos as standard, and don’t even think about taking a lunch break.
Applicants beware: You'll need caffeine on tap and the stamina of an Olympic athlete.
“Self-starter”
Oh, the self-starter. The unicorn of the working world. The mythical creature who requires no guidance, no management, and no resources to get the job done.
Translation: We have no intention of training you. You’re on your own, kid. We’ll just toss you into the deep end and hope you can swim.
If you see this, ask yourself: do you enjoy playing “guess what your job is” on your first day?
“Dynamic team”
At first, this phrase conjures images of energetic brainstorming sessions, high-fives, and collaboration. But what does it really mean?
Translation: We’re a ragtag bunch who barely know what we’re doing. Our company culture is as unpredictable as the British weather, and you’ll spend more time managing internal politics than doing actual work.
Expect an environment where every decision feels like an episode of Survivor.
“Competitive salary”
Ah, the elusive competitive salary. It’s a promise of riches and rewards… or is it?
Translation: We pay as little as legally possible. Competitively low, if you will. It’s competitive because you’ll be competing with your own bank account to stay above zero.
Check your bank balance before applying, as it may need some serious cushioning.
“Great communication skills”
On paper, this sounds straightforward. Who doesn’t love someone who can eloquently express themselves?
Translation: You’ll be explaining the same things over and over to people who don’t listen. Your email inbox will be your best friend, and those ‘urgent’ meetings will become your mortal enemy.
Prepare to repeat yourself ad nauseam while mastering the art of polite frustration.
“Team player”
This seems like an inviting prospect, but in the language of job descriptions, it’s not as rosy as it appears.
Translation: You’ll be picking up the slack for everyone else. You’ll do all the group work, and everyone else will take credit for it. Your role will include being the office’s unofficial referee and peacekeeper.
Bring a whistle and a white flag, just in case.
“Looking for a rockstar”
Unless you’re planning to headline Glastonbury, this is an eyebrow-raising phrase when spotted in a job description.
Translation: We want someone who will work around the clock, do everything perfectly, and never complain. All for peanuts. Bonus points if you can play the guitar for our office parties.
If you can’t shred on the guitar, at least be prepared to shred your weekends.
“Wear many hats”
A seemingly harmless phrase that might suggest a varied and exciting role. But beware.
Translation: You’ll be doing the job of five people. We’re too cheap to hire more staff, so you’ll be the janitor, the CEO, and everything in between.
Invest in a hat rack—and maybe a stress ball or two.
Recruit Without the Gibberish
If you’re tired of sifting through job descriptions that read like a cryptic crossword, we can help.
At Coburg Banks, we write clear, honest job ads that attract the right candidates without the need for translation.
So if you need to recruit without the nonsense, get in touch. We promise to keep the buzzwords to a minimum and the candidates to a maximum.
