Recruitment - a world where dreams are made, nightmares are born, and occasionally, a candidate actually turns up to an interview with pants on.
It’s a world full of mystery and intrigue, where every day brings a new challenge. One minute, you’re the hero who found the perfect candidate; the next, you’re locked in a room with a client whose expectations are as realistic as a unicorn doing aerobics.
And somewhere in between, you’re engaging in a game I like to call Recruiter Bingo - a game where you’re not trying to win, you’re just trying to survive with your sanity intact.
So, pull out your imaginary bingo card, and see how many of these classic hiring nightmares you can tick off.
1. The No-Show Candidate
Ah, the delightful experience of preparing everything for an interview, only to find out that the candidate has decided to pull a Houdini.
You’ve confirmed the time, date, and location. You’ve reminded them twice. Everything is set. But on the day? Nada. Vanished. Ghosted. It’s like they were never real.
Of course, when you finally reach them, you’re treated to a tale as old as time:
“Oh, I’m so sorry! My goldfish had a dentist appointment!”
Right. Sure it did.
2. The Candidate Who Brought Their Mum
There’s nothing quite like the moment when an interviewee walks into the room… accompanied by their mother.
Yes, this has happened. Yes, it’s as awkward as it sounds.
Before you can even ask, Mum’s already badgering you about salary expectations and career progression while the candidate sits there, looking like they’d prefer to be swallowed whole by the earth.
I mean, I get it. Who doesn’t need their mum’s input when choosing an office chair?
3. The Eternal Job Hopper
And then, there’s the CV that reads like a résumé of someone with the attention span of a gnat.
"Worked as a barista for two weeks. Then a yoga instructor for three. Then a data analyst for one glorious month."
You can’t help but wonder if they’re on some sort of personal mission to sample every job on earth.
Either that, or they’re trying to win some obscure Guinness World Record for ‘Most Jobs Held in a Single Year.’
4. The Overly Honest Candidate
Honesty is a good trait. But let’s face it, there’s such a thing as too much honesty.
Enter: The candidate who tells you more about their personal life than you ever wanted to know.
"I’m applying for this job because I need to pay off a crippling gambling debt."
"I’m really bad in the mornings, so expect me to be late… always."
"I don’t actually know what this job is, but I need the money."
Refreshingly candid, but not exactly reassuring.
5. The Candidate Who’s ‘Too Good’
There’s ambition, and then there’s delusion.
We’ve all had the pleasure of meeting candidates who believe they should skip a few rungs on the ladder and head straight for the CEO’s office.
They’re more experienced than anyone you’ve ever met, including Einstein, and they fully expect you to acknowledge this with a six-figure salary and a corner office.
"I know you’re hiring for an entry-level position, but I think you’ll agree I’m exactly what you need as Head of Global Operations."
Of course, they once led a team… of their two dogs in the local park.
6. The Candidate Who Forgets
Picture this: you’re in the middle of a Zoom interview, and suddenly, the candidate’s face goes blank.
They’ve forgotten their own name, their previous job titles, and occasionally, what planet they’re on.
While you’re busy trying to coax them back to reality, they’re busy wondering how they ended up here, in this strange, virtual land of judgment.
7. The ‘World’s Most Difficult’ Client
Ah, clients. The lifeblood of every recruitment agency, and occasionally, the reason we drink.
We’ve all had that one client who thinks they’re hiring the next Steve Jobs but only wants to pay the salary of an intern.
They demand someone with the experience of a seasoned CEO and the enthusiasm of a fresh graduate.
The kind who sends you job specs that read like a novel, with skills that not even the Avengers could muster.
"We need someone who can fly planes, speak five languages, and also make a mean cappuccino."
Sure thing. Let me just call up Iron Man real quick.
Need a Break from the Madness?
If you’re nodding along to all of this with a sense of deep, resonant despair - you’re not alone.
At Coburg Banks, we understand the trials and tribulations of recruitment. We’ve been there, we’ve done that, and we might even have the t-shirt.
If you need help navigating the madness, we’re here to support you with quality candidates and a sprinkle of sanity.
So, if you’re ready to pull the plug on Recruiter Bingo and get back to finding the right people for the right jobs, get in touch.
We’ll keep the bingo cards on standby, just in case.
