Ah, the festive season. That magical time of year when offices everywhere are decked out in tinsel, the air is filled with the sound of awkward small talk at the Christmas party, and you're quietly wondering if it’s socially acceptable to spike the office punch bowl with a strong dose of sanity.
But nothing embodies the true spirit of workplace Christmas quite like the Office Secret Santa. Because what better way to celebrate the birth of our Lord than by exchanging underwhelming gifts with colleagues you secretly despise?
Now, theoretically, Secret Santa is supposed to be a fun, light-hearted exercise in thoughtfulness - a chance to show your coworkers that you’ve been paying attention to their interests and hobbies.
In reality, it’s a minefield of panic, confusion, and some truly baffling gifts that really should have resulted in immediate dismissal.
1. The ‘Educational’ Gift
One year, in a misguided attempt at humour, someone gifted a colleague a self-help book titled:
"How to Stop Being Passive Aggressive: A Guide to Developing Emotional Maturity."
While the recipient’s face turned a festive shade of crimson, everyone else was busy praying that HR wouldn’t classify it as emotional abuse.
Nothing says “I’ve been paying attention to our professional relationship” quite like a passive-aggressive callout in paperback form.
2. The Incredibly Personal Gift
Secret Santa is not the time to overestimate your colleague’s sense of humour - or your own understanding of social boundaries.
One unfortunate soul unwrapped a gift to find a meticulously curated "Relationship Survival Kit", which included:
- A box of tissues for “when they leave you”
- A bottle of wine “to drown your sorrows”
- A dating app subscription - “because you’ll need it”
Not only is this a gross invasion of privacy, but it’s also a one-way ticket to a very uncomfortable meeting with HR.
3. The ‘Mystery’ Gift
Some gifts are funny because they’re unexpected. Others leave you questioning your colleague’s sanity.
Take, for example, the year someone received a taxidermy ferret.
Yes, you read that correctly. A taxidermy ferret.
No explanation. No context. Just a poorly preserved, dead animal.
Sure, it’s memorable. But unless your colleague happens to be a Victorian naturalist, it’s also downright unsettling.
4. The Cheap Gag Gift
We’ve all been there - wandering the aisles of a discount store, desperately hoping for inspiration to strike. But some people take frugality to a whole new level.
One year, someone received a toilet roll with their boss’s face printed on every sheet.
Hilarious? Maybe. Career-enhancing? Probably not.
It’s safe to assume that whoever gifted it either had a death wish or wanted to see out the year in a very different job.
5. The Inappropriate Attire
Clothing is a dangerous game in the world of Secret Santa. It’s all too easy to go from thoughtful to thoughtless in the blink of an eye.
Take, for instance, the colleague who received a pair of festive thong underwear.
It’s not just the fact that it’s wildly inappropriate – it’s the fact that it’s deeply uncomfortable for everyone involved.
And let’s not overlook the matching “Naughty or Nice?” slogan. Because at this point, we all know what list the gift giver belongs on.
6. The Confusing Toy
Sometimes, colleagues think they’re being clever by opting for a gift that’s ‘quirky’ or ‘fun’. But there’s a fine line between quirky and outright bizarre.
One unfortunate recipient unwrapped a toy - not just any toy, but an intricately detailed, remote-controlled tarantula.
Because nothing says “Merry Christmas” quite like triggering someone’s deep-seated arachnophobia.
Now, every time they open their desk drawer, they’re reminded of the day they almost called security.
7. The ‘Artisanal’ Food Item
Yes, the thought of gifting a lovingly crafted, homemade treat sounds delightful. But there’s a good reason restaurants have health and safety standards.
One colleague received a jar of what can only be described as “Mystery Pâté”.
No label. No ingredient list. Just a dubious brown paste.
Consuming it would have been a gamble at best, and food poisoning at worst.
8. The ‘Work-Related’ Gift
The best gifts make your life easier - but only if they’re not a passive-aggressive commentary on your work habits.
One particularly cheeky colleague gifted their officemate a “World’s Slowest Typist” keyboard cover.
While it’s a clever jab, it’s also a reminder that some gifts are better suited for a comedy roast, rather than a festive celebration.
9. The Misleading Book
Books can be thoughtful gifts, full of inspiration and wisdom. Unless it's a title like:
"101 Ways to Annoy Your Boss (Without Getting Fired)"
The recipient might appreciate the humour, but it’s a surefire way to land yourself on a list you’d rather not be on.
10. The ‘Subtle’ Hint
Subtlety is an art, and not everyone is a master. Case in point: the person who thought gifting a “Personal Hygiene Kit” was a good idea.
This “thoughtful” package included deodorant, mouthwash, and a toothbrush.
Nothing says “We’ve noticed” quite like a gift that essentially screams “Please improve your personal grooming.”
Need to Recruit People with a Sense of Humour?
If you’ve survived your office Secret Santa with your dignity intact, congratulations. If not, perhaps it’s time to consider working with a team that knows the fine line between funny and fired.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding candidates who not only fit your company culture but also know how to have a laugh without crossing the line.
If you want to recruit the right people, get in touch.
We promise not to gift you a taxidermy ferret.
