There are certain things in life that, no matter how hard we try, we will never truly understand.
Like why airline seats keep getting smaller, but people keep getting bigger. Or why the 'snooze' button exists when we all know we’re just going to be late anyway.
Or why some people think they can rock up to an interview with a cover letter that looks like it was written by a malfunctioning chatbot from 2003.
Because, in theory, the cover letter is your golden ticket - your chance to make a great first impression and convince an employer that you’re the perfect candidate.
In reality? Well, let’s just say that over the years, we’ve seen some absolute shockers - letters so bafflingly bad, so completely devoid of self-awareness, that we can only assume they were written as a cry for help.
So, in honour of those who tried and failed spectacularly, here are some of the best (and worst) cover letters we’ve ever seen.
1. The One That Got Too Personal
A cover letter should tell us why you’re a great fit for the role. It should not read like a therapy session.
One particularly memorable applicant started with:
“I have been deeply unhappy in every job I’ve ever had. But I think this one might be different.”
Ah yes, because nothing says ‘motivated team player’ quite like crippling existential dread.
2. The One That Forgot to Replace the Template
There’s nothing wrong with using a template - unless, of course, you forget to personalise it before hitting send.
One applicant proudly wrote:
"Dear [Hiring Manager’s Name], I am very excited about the opportunity to work at [Company Name]."
Which was bad enough. But even better was the one who finished with:
“I believe I would be a great fit for [Insert Job Title Here].”
Ah yes, the highly sought-after [Insert Job Title Here] position.
3. The One That Demanded Respect
We once received a cover letter that opened with a demand:
“I expect to hear from you within 48 hours.”
Right. Because nothing screams professionalism quite like a thinly veiled threat.
For added drama, they signed off with:
"I am looking forward to your swift and positive response."
Spoiler alert: they did not get a response.
4. The One That Lied (Badly)
Everyone embellishes a little on their CV. But there’s a difference between ‘strong leadership skills’ and what one candidate claimed:
“I was responsible for the moon landing.”
Yes. The moon landing. In 1969.
He was 32.
5. The One That Completely Gave Up
Some cover letters are too short. Others are far too long. And then, there’s this one, which was just six words long:
"Here is my CV. Please hire me."
Efficient? Yes.
Compelling? Not in the slightest.
6. The One That Got a Bit… Desperate
Applying for jobs can be stressful. But showing that you’re on the verge of a breakdown isn’t usually the best strategy.
One candidate ended their cover letter with:
"I have applied for over 300 jobs and nobody has hired me. Please don’t make it 301."
…Well, that’s certainly one way to guilt-trip an employer.
7. The One That Went Way Off-Topic
The cover letter should stay focused on why you’re a great fit for the role. It should not include lines like this:
“I have three cats, and they all have unique personalities.”
That’s lovely, but unless you’re applying to be a zookeeper, we don’t need to know.
8. The One That Used a Completely Inappropriate Sign-Off
You should always end on a professional note. Something like ‘Kind regards’ or ‘Best wishes’.
What you should not do is sign off with:
“Yours in eternal service, Lord Greg”
No, really. That actually happened.
9. The One That Was Clearly Written by AI (Badly)
With the rise of AI, we’ve started seeing a lot of AI-generated cover letters.
Some are decent.
Others… well, let’s just say they’re a little too robotic.
One in particular opened with:
"Dear Employer. I am writing to apply for [JOB_TITLE] at [COMPANY_NAME]. I have a strong passion for [INDUSTRY] and possess skills in [SKILL_1], [SKILL_2], and [SKILL_3]."
Mate, at least try to hide the fact that you Ctrl+C’d your entire life into ChatGPT five minutes ago.
10. The One That Was Weirdly Overconfident
Confidence is great. But there’s a fine line between confidence and pure delusion.
One candidate wrote:
"If you don’t hire me, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life."
And another simply put:
"I am the best person you will ever meet. Ever."
Right. We’ll be sure to tell everyone else on the planet that they don’t measure up.
Need to Recruit People Who Can Actually Write a Cover Letter?
If any of these sound painfully familiar, it might be time to let someone else handle the hiring process.
At Coburg Banks, we help businesses find qualified, competent professionals who know how to write a cover letter without threatening, guilt-tripping, or confusing you into hiring them.
So, if you need quality candidates (and not Lord Greg) - get in touch.
We promise to spare you the madness.
