Ah, the hiring process. That magical time when companies try to find the perfect blend of talent, personality, and professionalism. It’s a bit like trying to pick a ripe avocado in a sea of potential guacamole disasters.
But, much like the fruit itself, what you see on the outside is not always what you get on the inside.
Take, for example, the phrase "great communication skills" - a staple of CVs everywhere, and yet, so often, a bold-faced lie.
Because, let’s be honest, some people’s idea of ‘effective communication’ is akin to a seagull squawking furiously while simultaneously stealing your chips.
So, in the spirit of those who’ve boldly misrepresented their abilities, let’s dive into some hiring disasters where ‘great communication skills’ turned out to be nothing more than an optimistic fairy tale.
The CEO Whisperer
Once upon a time, in an office much like your own, a bright-eyed candidate sauntered in, ready to take the corporate world by storm.
They claimed they could talk to anyone—senior management, clients, you name it. They were a "CEO Whisperer” in their own words.
However, their version of communicating with the CEO involved sending an email that opened with:
"Hey bossman! Wassuppp?"
Needless to say, there was no whispering involved. Just a deafening silence, followed by a very awkward meeting with HR.
The Over-Sharer
Then there’s the candidate who, during their first team meeting, felt it was the ideal time to overshare.
When asked a simple question about their experience with project management, they replied:
"Funny story, that reminds me of the time I got stuck in a lift and had to eat a whole packet of biscuits just to survive. My stomach still hasn’t forgiven me."
Fascinating, yes, but not exactly relevant.
This particular breed of communicator believes every piece of personal information is worth sharing, whether it's their weekend plans, their childhood pets, or their latest conspiracy theory.
Great communication skills? More like greatly missing the point.
The Walking Email Disaster
Emails. The bread and butter of corporate communication.
Yet, for some reason, certain individuals struggle with the concept.
Take the new hire who sent an all-staff email with the subject line:
"URGENT: Free donuts in the kitchen!"
The message body? Completely blank. The donuts? Non-existent.
Turns out, they’d accidentally hit send while drafting a personal treatise on why donuts are the superior pastry.
End result? An office full of very disappointed, and very hungry, colleagues.
The Jargon Juggler
Some candidates believe that the key to communication is the liberal use of industry jargon.
Meet the Jargon Juggler:
During an interview, they manage to string together sentences so dense with buzzwords that it's like wading through molasses.
"We need to leverage our core competencies to pivot our strategy for optimal synergy."
Translation? Nobody knows. Not even them.
Because, while memorising the contents of an entire business glossary might sound impressive, effective communication is more than just playing buzzword bingo.
The Unreadable Resume
One might imagine that a resume is a straightforward affair - a simple document showcasing your experience and skills.
But oh no, some people like to treat it as a cryptic puzzle, designed to challenge even the most seasoned recruiter.
Imagine a sea of 10-point font, a whirlwind of different colours, and more italics than an Italian restaurant menu.
And amidst this chaos, the words "excellent communication skills" lie camouflaged, barely visible to the human eye.
By the time you’ve deciphered it, you’ve also sprouted more grey hairs than you ever thought possible.
The Social Media Snafu
In the digital age, one would think that basic social media etiquette is a given.
But alas, there are those who consider Twitter their personal echo chamber, shouting into the void with reckless abandon.
One candidate, who claimed to be "social media savvy,” was outed when their public Facebook profile revealed posts like:
"Just spent 20 minutes arguing with a pigeon. #Winning"
Not exactly the professional image they were going for.
Suddenly, their claim of possessing “great communication skills” seems about as credible as a three-pound note.
In Need of Candidates Who Can Actually Communicate?
So, if you find yourself battling through a sea of communication disasters, perhaps it’s time to let someone else take the wheel.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding candidates who can communicate effectively - without the jargon, overshares, or social media snafus.
Get in touch, and let us help you find the best candidates who truly do possess great communication skills.
No more CEO whisperers or jargon jugglers - just professionals who know how to get the message across.
