There are certain phrases that, when seen on a CV, should immediately raise red flags.
“Detail-oriented” - yet they managed to spell their own name wrong.
“Team player” - but their idea of collaboration is sending passive-aggressive emails.
And then there’s the infamous “Great Communication Skills."
Ah yes, the phrase that tells you absolutely nothing and yet promises everything.
It’s a staple of CVs everywhere, right up there with “works well under pressure” and “proficient in Microsoft Excel” (which, let’s be honest, means they can open a spreadsheet and look confused).
But when it comes to communication skills, the gap between what candidates think that means and what it actually means for the job can often be as wide as the Grand Canyon.
The Art of Saying Nothing
Imagine, if you will, a candidate sitting across from you in an interview.
They’ve sailed through the technical tests, their references are glowing, and their CV boasts those “great communication skills.”
So you ask them a simple question. Something straightforward, like:
“Can you tell me about a time you had to communicate effectively in your previous role?”
And suddenly, it’s as if you’ve asked them to explain quantum physics while juggling flaming swords.
They embark on a long, winding story that involves their grandmother’s parrot, a misplaced stapler, and perhaps the weather, but offers absolutely no insight into their communication prowess.
By the end of it, you’re left none the wiser and possibly contemplating a career change.
‘Great Communication’ in Emails
For some people, email is an art form - a chance to express concisely and clearly, maybe even with a hint of wit.
For others, it’s merely a way to ensure they leave as many people as possible in a state of confusion.
Consider the employee who sends emails that read like an ancient riddle:
"Re: Project X - As we discussed, blah blah blah happened. Let me know."
As we discussed when? What happened? Who should know? Is this a cry for help or just an elaborate joke?
Or the ones who employ a level of formality that could rival a Victorian novel:
"Dearest esteemed colleague, it is with the utmost urgency that I beseech you to peruse the attached document at your earliest possible convenience."
Look, all we need is a simple “Check this out” and we’re good to go.
Meetings: Where Communication Goes to Die
Meetings, those delightful black holes of productivity where communication often goes to die in the most spectacular fashion.
Some employees seem to think that ‘great communication skills’ means speaking for the entirety of the meeting without letting anyone else get a word in edgewise.
They have a knack for turning a five-minute update into a 45-minute monologue, complete with PowerPoint slides that contain more clipart than information.
Then there are those who contribute only in cryptic, half-muttered comments:
"Yeah, that’s cool. But what about the thing with the stuff?"
Stunning insight, truly. Many thanks for your invaluable contribution.
The Art of Misunderstanding
Finally, we have the employee who takes misunderstanding to an Olympic level.
Give them a straightforward task and watch as they somehow interpret it as something completely unrelated.
"Please send the report to the finance team."
“Ah, of course. I’ll forward it to HR and book us a team lunch.”
"Could you confirm the meeting for 3 PM?"
“Sure thing! I’ve scheduled a conference call with the marketing department for 9 AM.”
It’s almost impressive, really. Almost.
Need to Recruit People Who Can Actually Communicate?
If any of this sounds painfully familiar, perhaps it’s time to rethink your hiring strategy.
At Coburg Banks, we specialise in finding candidates who don’t just say they have “great communication skills” but actually demonstrate them.
So, if you’re tired of deciphering email riddles and sitting through endless monologues, why not get in touch?
We promise to find you people who can communicate efficiently, effectively, and - dare we say it - even enjoyably.
